My Christmas Wish

I couldn't remember when was the last time I made any wishes at Christmas time. Christmas wishes are for children, first of all. Then, for years, I have spent weeks before Christmas preparing for the church choir. So, at Christmas Eve, I always focused on the Mass and after that I was so busy with family gatherings. That's why I was rather startled when a friend asked what my wish was this year.

I did a quick assessment about what I had thought and wanted to do next year. Then I gave this answer to my friend..... I wish for some lights......

Yes, lights.....like lamp or candle....things that allow you to see things around you.

Last year, I found out that I would never again fit to work for other people. The present job I got is the nearest thing to my preference, because it allows me so much independence in organizing my tasks without have to answer to many people. But during this year I also found that I really had to start my own business, so I will have a bigger independence in managing my working time to fit in with my family needs. I had had some discussion with my family and friends about it. The most difficult thing is to find out and decide what kind of business I want to build.

As a starter, I need a business that I could run by myself. I don't think I could give any commands to other people and supervise his work....hehehe....my long time of professional working told me that.....

Then, I need to find some business that won't tie me in any certain place and working time. A little boy in my care and Mom are the two most important persons in my life now, and I prefer to be there whenever they need me, or whenever I think they need me.

I also need to find a business that I like to do for hours and days. I am afraid that I don't have a strong ambition. So, I really hope that my liking towards what I do will help me to hang on.

I really hope that I could make a first step to build my own business next year. And till this day, I still couldn't decide what I want to build. That's why I need some lights, to help me to see clearly. Maybe the signs have already been there, and I need a stronger beam for my eyes to see it.....hihihi....reminded me of a funny movie titled BRUCE ALMIGHTY..... No, seriously.....I really need the lights.... And I hope God will be willing to grant me this, as He has generously granted my other wishes these past years. Amen.

(*) dedicated for Mr. Shoes who had reminded me of Christmas wishes and magic

HARPITNAS

I've been trying to search the English term for that title above, but no result. I guess this term only exists in Indonesian....hehehe...

HARPITNAS, the shortened form of Hari Kecepit Nasional, is the favourite term of Indonesian people - especially the workers - to describe one working day sandwiched between two holiday. For example, if Friday is a holiday, then for most of Indonesian workers who work 6 days a week, Saturday is HARPITNAS, because the next day, Sunday, is a holiday again.

Yesterday, Monday, Dec 6, was a big HARPITNAS for me. I had been off-duty since Friday. No, it wasn't a public holiday. I took a leave on that day to help Mom cleaning the house from the water that flooded into the first floor of our house during the night before. The rain was very hard, so the flood was quite high that could come inside my high-placed house.

Then, came Saturday which was my official off-duty day. Next, Sunday....which is a public holiday. Three holidays.....

After that, came Monday....yesterday, which I saw with a gloomy mood...hahaha... I wished I could take a day-off, too, that day....since the next day - today - is a holiday again. Imagine, 5 days in holidays!!! What a nice wish!

But I couldn't do that, my too-conscientious-mind couldn't allow that....hehehe... First of all, there are many regular things to be done on Mondays. Then, I also expected a huge backlog of works, because I was off since Friday. And it was all happened! Once I came into my workspace, I saw several notes on my desk, waiting for my attention which actually was left at home and still enjoying the holiday....hahaha... So, I had to push myself very hard to finish all of my duties and tried not to look at the clock most of the time....hehehe....

It worked...maybe too much...because at the end of day, I was so dizzy and suffered a huge a headache. Thank God for another chance to sleep till late in the morning today.....hahaha...

And now....it is Tuesday night, but it feels like Sunday night...yikes!!!! Thankfully, there would be only 4 days before next Sunday, instead the usual 6 days....hahaha.... That's the good side of HARPITNAS....hehehe....

To Sleep or Not To Sleep

Sleeping is one of the resting activities I enjoy mostly. It costs me no money at all. I get a refreshed eyes (the state of my mind is rarely included in the result....hehehe...). And the boring time will surely fly so fast...especially if the work bores me to death....hehehe...

My preference to sleep is at my own bedroom and on my own bed, of course. But, I also could sleep during my working hours, especially during a very hot day or when I have no working mood at all. Of course, I always make sure that the boss or my colleagues aren't available in the office at the first place....hehehe... Where will I sleep while I'm at work? Well, there are several places to be chosen. I could sleep on my primary desk (primary? wait.....read on...) Or I could close my eyes for a moment while I works in front of the computer (that's another working space of mine....). Or, if the day is very hot, I'll move to the meeting room next door, close the connecting door, turn on the AC and zzzzzzz...... Now, could you count how many are my working spaces actually? hehehe....

The funniest thing in my sleeping habit is the alarm inside my brain. It could recognise whether I'm in holiday or not. Whenever I'm in holiday, my body will cry out asking for a napping time on midday. Otherwise, I could survive thoroughly till late in the evening. But, whether I'm in working days or not, I could never wake up later than till 7am in the morning, no matter how late I go to bed in the previous night. So, for instance on New Year's eve....eventhough I just go to bed after 2am, I will be waken up at 7am. Of course, after take a bath and have some breakfast, I would go back to sleep till after midday, then waken up again and have some lunch,......and sleep again till late afternoon....hahaha...

Have I ever had any trouble to sleep? Of course! Especially when there's something going around and around inside my mind....about my work or about my personal problems that I couldn't share with anyone at all. Sometimes, I just couldn't sleep without any reason at all. And how I deal with it? Many ways, from turn on the TV and watch some interesting movie, till the final act : praying Rosary. The primary goal is trying to shut down my mind from thinking at all, otherwise I couldn't get enough sleep and all hell will break loose next day....hehehe....

Oooooaaaaaaahhhhhheeeeeemmmmm.....I'm so sleepy already right now and couldn't think anymore......so, good night, everyone....wish you all a restful sleep and sweet dreams...

My New Toy

Meet a new toy I just acquired this month.....

This is Yashica EZ TP-9, my first digital camera...

Is it silly of me to be so proud of this achievement? Hehehe....I had to be patient for several years to be able to buy this thing. Only this year that it had become one of the things that I could buy. Still, I had to wait till this month to be really able to own it. Furthermore, I needed another two weeks to actually buy it....and the brand was not the same as the first I queried.

At first, at the moment I knew that I'd have enough money to buy a digital camera, a sales person of a camera store gave me a different brand fit in with my budget....under IDR 1,0000,000. The second time I queried in detail....at another store....I realised that I still had to buy an external memory card, because the original card inside the camera could only hold max 4 pictures. So, the sales lady suggested the Yashica above, which she guaranteed quite in good qualities....maybe better, because from the value written on it (1:2,8-4,8), according to her, the camera supports pictures taken in a dim light (like indoors or at night) with a good result......nice, isn't it? hehehe...

The most important thing to me was after completing the camera with a 2GB external memory card and a screen guard to protect its touch-screen, the final price was still under IDR 1,000,000....Yay!!!! And I still got the function I wanted: back light mode, red-eye reduction, video recording including voices. More Yay!!!!

Now, I'm ready to play with my new toy anytime......

Hmmm, what's other toys I want to buy next? New cell phone? New laptop?

Hehehehe.....

Our First Female Major

We officially got our first female Major!!!! 

I've been so long wanting to declare this....months ago in fact. Ever since Ms. Tri Rismaharini won the election for Surabaya's Major. But, due to massive and systemic offenses occurred during the first poll, the Constitutional Court had ordered an election re-run. So, I had to held back my jubilant expression....although, like many of other citizens, I was so annoyed towards that order.

The final vote count after the court-ordered repeat of Surabaya's mayoral election revealed that Ms. Risma (that's how she is known mostly) and her running mate, Mr. Bambang DH once again won the election. Yay!!!! No more excuses....Surabaya, my beloved city, Indonesia's second largest city have its first female major!!!

Just in case anyone's wondering why it's such a big matter....because in this still-very-patriarchal country, so many people doesn't welcome the idea of women as a leader. So many excuses they use to prevent that thing happened, from religion rules till personal matters. Sometimes, those people forget that not all of other citizens are ignorant. Many of us prefer to see the fruits of his/her work, instead of gender or races. Okay, I'm not so sure about looking over someone's religion....hehehehe....it's still a very delicate thing here....hehehe...

And about Ms. Risma...which Surabaya's citizen who didn't know her? Her success in making Surabaya green is well-known. There were many green areas and public parks built while she was in charge of Dept. of Solid Waste and Environmental Program here. And she is known for her straight ways in handling her tasks and all of its problems....and not just talking behind her desk!!!

With her lead as this City's Major, I hope there would be a refreshing wind in governmental management. That its prime duty is to serve the citizens. To reduce the nonsense-talking habit of politicians. To become a good example to others, that there's nothing wrong in the idea of women as leaders.

Next stop....FEMALE PRESIDENT!!!!

To Love and To Possess

*

Apalah arti cinta,                                                     What's the meaning of loving you,

bila aku tak bisa memilikimu.                                  if I couldn't have you.

Apalah arti cinta,                                                     What's the meaning of loving you,

bila pada akhirnya takkan menyatu.                         if in the end we couldn't become one
 

**
Sesulit inikah jalan takdirku                                    Does my fate have to be this hard
Yang tak inginkan kita bahagia                               that it won't allow us to be happy?

***
Bila aku tak berujung denganmu,                            If I couldn't be with you in the end,
biarkan kisah ini kukenang selamanya.                  let me have this memory forever.
Tuhan, tolong buang rasa cintaku,                          God, please take away my love for him

jika tak Kau ijinkan aku bersamanya.                     if You don't mean us to be as one.

Back to * ** ***

Inilah saatnya aku harus melepaskan dirimu              This is the time for me to let you go....

Tuhan, tolong buang rasa cintaku                                  God, please take away my love for him
Jika tak Kau ijinkan aku bersamanya.                   if You don't mean us to be as one....

This is an Indonesian love song, performed by SHE, a new female band. Actually, I like the song very much, although I don't agree with the lyric 100%...hehehe....

Each time I hear this song, I remember one nice quote I got from an Indonesian movie called "AYAT-AYAT CINTA" (Verses of Love). No, I don't like the story of that movie. I had to watch the DVD, because I wanted to give it as a present for a friend and I had to check whether the English subtitle run smoothly. Anyway, I got this nice quote:

to love and to possess are two different things

And that's the point of my disagreement with the song above.

What's the meaning of loving someone, if you couldn't have him forever? Just that for me... That I love the person so much, enough to let him go. Hurt? Sure, 100%.....and maybe would need thousands years to heal my broken-heart, collect the pieces and move on....hehehe....*exaggerate mode: on*

And for sure I would never ask God to take away my love for the person, because of the good memories created from the feeling. The only thing I would ask from God is a tremendous strength to hold on and His comforting hands surround me while I collect any pieces left from my broken-heart. Because, indeed, to love and to possess are two different things. You could love something, but you may wouldn't have it. Many people have something, but don't love it. Yet, some people is blessed with love and have each other.

One thing I agree 100% from the song above is:

If I couldn't be with you in the end, let me have this memory forever.

Of course, all of these is only a theory...hehehe.... I may have to re-write the whole thing if the bad luck fells on top of me someday....hehehe... 

Be Careful What You Wish For

This is a title of an English novel written by Alexandra Potter, a birthday gift from a good friend of mine this year. Thank you, my friend, for remembering that I prefer to read a book using its original language....hehehe...

The book told us about a woman named Heather Hamilton who always wished for things...not just big stuff - like world peace or for a date with Brad Pitt - but little, everyday wishes, made without thinking. She thought that there was no way those little wishes of her would come true, but saying wishes relieved her upset mood in facing situations she didn't like. Until one day she bought a heather, a kind of good charm, from a gypsy woman. Suddenly the bad hair days stopped; a handsome American answered her ad for a housemate; and she started seeing James - The Perfect Man who sent her flowers, excelled in the bedroom, and wasn't afraid to say 'I love you'.... So many good luck happened on her, that of course she enjoyed it all....who wouldn't?...hehehe... But, then she started to doubt all of her good luck.....was it really what she needed? Until a bad event happened to her, that made her realized what she really wished for.....

Okay, this story is not a new thing for me. I've learnt for so long to be careful with anything I wish for. Not from my own experience, of course....hehehe.... I learnt from others' experience, from any folklores and from a movie called "BEDAZZLED". I even avoid so much making any wishes for my own advantages. I only make good wishes for friends and family, and I will wish it with all of my heart. Why don't I wish for myself? Because I worry that I couldn't handle the bad consequences from the wish. Because I hold on the theory of the balance in life. For each thing that goes up, there would be something else that has to go down. I don't want to be happy now, but broken down in the end. I don't even want to be happy on someone else's misfortune. Hmmmm....do I sound like a coward? hehehe....

Anyway, the book reminded me to carefully re-phrase a birthday wish for a friend who shared a same birthday date with me. In the end, just like in the "BEDAZZLED" movie, I just wished with all of my heart that this particular friend would be happy. Sounds a cliche, right? But its meaning is so deep.....hehehe....

And lastly, for all of my friends in this world, I wish you all a nice day.....

Where are My Saved SMS???

You may call me a romantic fool. I have this habit to save birthday wishes and special cute sms I received into my cell phone. I save the birthday wishes I got this year until new wishes arrive next year. It's kind of a good charm for me. Those wishes and the cute, nice sms could help me cheer up a little when things go down. See how foolish I am? hehehe...

This afternoon, two sms from a good friend of mine came in, waking me up from a long nap. After I read the last one, I immediately erased it before moving to the first..... And the disaster started!!! The system froze while in the process of erasing the last message. I waited for several seconds, because it had happened before many, many times. Still, the system frozen up. I pressed any buttons without any results at all. Then, I thought maybe it was because the battery was low.....so, I charged it....but nothing happened. I was so curious about the sms, that I was immediately online and chatted with my friend. Turned out that she invited me to join her friends watching THE EXPENDABLES at a cinema. After some hesitation, I finally agreed and brought along my non-functional cell phone.

On the way to the cinema, I told my friend about my phone problem. She suggested to take off the battery and put it on again. Okay, I did it....and it worked!!! My phone was functional again with a minimum battery capacity.....and more disaster following it.... I checked the data inside the phone and found out that I lost all of the sms I had received and saved. I was so devastated.....okay, I tried not to show it too much in front of my friends....hehehe....I have a cool image to maintain....hahaha... So, I tried to put my devastated mind off and decided to enjoy the movie.....hey, it's really a cool movie. It succeeded to cheer me up a little. But only for a while.....

I was alone again in my own room, recharging the battery of my cell phone, I watched my empty sms box sadly. How will I get all those precious messages again? Is it some kind of sign that I need to replace my phone. True, I had thought to buy a new one, but the consequences of losing those messages had put me off. I have no idea how to move them to a new phone.....it's not a file in the computer that one could easily burn it to a CD and move it to another place. And I still couldn't find the new model that I could accept as a better replacement than the present phone!!!! I'm a brand-minded in this kind of technology.....hiks....and the particular brand hasn't produced any new models for several years now....hiks, hiks, hiks....

Hiks, hiks, hiks.....I lost my precious momentos!!!!

I love you this much

It’s enough to be needed, it's enough to be you
Through the hopes in your happy life,
the light is slowly coming through
All that is taking is for love to show its best
And if I ever get it on with you,
then you lead the way


It’s enough to be with you, it’s enough to be there
I'm the words that you send or gave in through to me you get
Oh, what I do to come to talk with what you've got
And if it means singing back your mind,
then it never lost


#Oh, now and then I see myself for what I really am
  over here I keep discover on, then I got it in the can


But if it means that I ain’t gonna see you anymore
Take and shut up for a power,
stop to nail up all our doors
If I can be part of you, then I don’t have to leave
Cause other than the love of mine,
I’ve nothing else to give


#Oh, now and then I see myself for what I really am
  over here I keep discover on, then I got it in the can


And if one night I'm left alone with nothing else to do
I just sit at the the piano singing song that speak for you
Yes, I might get lonely and completely out of touch
But I’ll sacrifice my friends because I love you this much
I’ll just sacrifice my friends because I love you this much.....

**) This is an oldies song performed by Mouth & McNeal

Parental Influence in me

One day, a young friend asked me which parent that  influenced my life mostly. This is not a first time for me facing that such of question. Indeed, I always give it a serious thought in answering it every time.

Usually, I said that neither Mom or Dad gave any strong influence to me. I barely have any similarity in the way of thinking or seeing something. And although Mom has always been within my reach all my life, I'm not close enough to her to make it easier for me to interact with her.

I used to think that books and magazines had influenced my way of thinking and acting. Because since 10 years old, I've spent most of my learning time by reading. Learn about myself, about entering adolescent, about choices and consequences in life.

Today, I read this quote from a discussion in a website:

There are many ways that parents can influence their children.  I would say that these tend to fall into two categories -- children can choose to pattern themselves after what they see their parents do or they can choose to avoid being like their parents.

In large part, we as children are shaped by what we see our parents do and how we see them act.  I know that I have tried to model myself after my parents in many ways because I think they have done many things right.

On the other hand, there are things that I think they have done wrong and I consciously try to avoid doing those things.  But either way, the way I live my life has been influenced by them.

And.....whammmm!!!!....I realized that it had happened on me. Subconsciously, I had chosen to avoid being like my parents. I don't know how it had happened in the first place. Maybe the distance between my parents and I had made me turned to books and other references to look up for answers. But, not only I got the answers, I also got various information about seeing life. Maybe from those reference I could disagree to the way my parents handle things.

I guess it's right. More or less, my parents has helped me shaped my own life. Regardless I model myself after them, or try to avoid become them at all. And in all, books and parents played the same role in building myself as I am now.

Huh???

A long time ago....uff, okay, in my senior high school days (that's a very long time, truly!)...I had this tremendous crush toward a boy in my class. Although he never knew about my feeling (hopefully...hahahaha...because I really kept it secret), the crush went on till some time after we parted to continue our higher study.

This morning, I found his account in Facebook. Curious, I clicked it open....and I stared at his picture..... Where's the boy I fall in love with? I wondered to myself. Again and again I tried to match the face stared at me to my memory......and I am still wondering.

I guess it's true, that time and space would change our point of view. That what looked so wonderful before, would lost its charm when we looked back after some time went by. But, still a wondering thought keep appearing inside my mind......"Huh?????"

Breakaway

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
And breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging 'round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

I love this soundtrack of "Princess Diary 2" since the first I heard last year. The song was so fit in with my feelings at the time. There I was, felt so trapped in a very stalled situation. Every where I looked at, I only saw a very tall and thick wall. Each night I wished that next morning would grant me an opening that allowed me to get away from the suffocating condition.

One day, when I expected less....there it was.....the door opened. Gingerly, I spread my wings, prepared to fly away. But I found the sun was so blinded into my eyes. The heat burnt my skin. Okay, I thought to myself, be patient.....this would happened to everyone, I just have to hang on and everything would be alright in time......

But the time went by...... the heat kept burnt through my skin, deeper and deeper. I felt my wings torn, and still I couldn't see through the blinded sun.... I got scared.... I slowed down.....thought everything over again.....reconsidered my option.....

And here I am now......back to the original place, surrounded by the tall wall, but hopefully not too thick. I've seen the outside world. And I know what's the best I should do in the future. I just hope that I will have the strength I need to reach that option. In the mean time, I'll just sing along with Kelly Clarkson and dream away......

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway


Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

Blue Jasmine: My Namesake

I barely use my real name in surfing the cyberworld. My most reason is, so I could express myself more freely. Only a few people know the real name behind my ID. But, then that few people are my long time friend, the ones I also know in real world.

After changing name for a few years, I settled with Blue Jasmine as my ID. What kind of name is that? Is it because I'm working in a flower world? That's a couple of common question from my acquaintances.

Actually, I never knew there was really a flower called Blue Jasmine. I just combined the two words. Blue is my favourite colour. Jasmine is my favourite flower. And that combination sounded so romantic in my ears....hahahaha...

Then, later I found a novel in a thrift store. The title was Blue Jasmine, written by Violet Winspear. OMG!!!! There IS a flower called Blue Jasmine!!!! And....ehem....it's quite a romantic story, that novel....hehehehe....

Immediately, I searched for any picture of Blue Jasmine, but couldn't find the clear and good one at that time. And that's why I used a Blue Rose as my icon.....hehehe....

Tonight, I finally found a very pretty picture of Blue Jasmine. And starting from now, I'll use the new picture as my icon. Thank you for any person at www.eyefetch.com who had uploaded the nice and beautiful photo of the pretty flower!

"Enthusiasm" Giveaway Contest

A week ago, a long time friend of mine who now lives in USA sent me an invitation to celebrate the launching of her first novel. As I was in a very low mood to write (does anyone notice that I barely write anything since last month? hihihi....), the first time I caught the condition to write at least three paragraphs about my reasons participating in the contest had already dampen my interest...hihihi.... Until the day when the author personally wrote to me about it......

Mbak Fida - that's how I call her - was once my colleague in the company where I'm working now. Ever since her move to USA, I've often been amazed with her progress. From creating a pretty garden around her family house, actively managing her personal blog, and now developing her skills in creative writing!! As far as I know, this novel is her third published writing, the e-book about prayers she taught to her daughter, then the second one about dancing, then a cookbook....ouch, that means this newest is her fourth....hihihi...sorry, Mbak.... Okay, don't ask me more details about that e-books of her, as I don't own any.....hihihi...just visit the abbottsbooks online store.

Okay, now about her newest publishing, "Enthusiasm"... I read the synopsis on http://www.fidaabbott.com/ (wow, Mbak!!! You now even got a website of your own!!!). It reminded me about her view in taking French Course when she still lived in Surabaya - Indonesia. So different from me, who took the course just for fun and broaden my knowledge. Mbak Fida took the course so seriously. She really practiced the language, even in conversation with her classmates. She said that she always took every course seriously, so she could make a living from it someday when she needed it. Always gives her best in doing something...that's the enthusiasm in Mbak Fida. Now, I really want to know how that big spirit in her had helped her in making a new life, away from home and her origin country. Different culture and way of living....added to the necessity of 24 hours talking in English....hahaha....scary thought...hehehe...! This kind of story would make a very long time chatting...hehehe... So, this way - read her book - would be preferable....so, I could read it in stages, and maybe skip one or two pages, or even chapters....hehehe...

What? I need three reasons to participate in this contest? Ouch! Those three paragaph wasn't enough? Oh, okay.... One more.... Hmmmm, what's the third reason makes me write this particular subject? Oh, yeah.....so I could get the first edition newest book of Ms. Fida Abbott FREE OF CHARGE!!! hehehe....everything free is so nice, isn't it? hehehe...

Now, that I had given the three reason why I want to participate in this contest, I would like to complain about the next rule of the contest. The winner(s) have to write a review about the book? The winner(s) have to participate in the next contest(s)? Yikes, Mbak!!!! I hope you will provide quite a long time to submit a review, if I'm the winner....hahaha....I couldn't guarantee to read a book ASAP....hahaha...it would depend on my mood.....hehehe...

So, anyone interested in reading more about the nice blog of this nice friend of mine could visit this link http://www.fidaabbott.blogspot.com/.

If you want to know more about the book of "Enthusiasm", you may visit http://www.fidaabbott.com/ or her online store http://www.abbottsbooks.com/

Once again, congratulation, Mbak Fida! Wish you success with your new book!!

Magic Cubes

I have been knowing about this particular game for a very long time....maybe in my senior high school years. This is one of the game I don't enjoy, just because I couldn't understand how to finish it completely...hehehe... The most I could get is a same color only in ONE side, and that's after getting headache in twisting and twisting the cube for what it seems an eternity....hahaha...

Once, I listened to a friend explaining the rules to finish it. She showed us how to play it. Sadly, after two sentences, I couldn't grasp what she meant....hahaha.... I missed the rest of her explanation in a buff.....hahaha....! All I could understood was twisted to here, than twisted back to the original place.

Okay, I thought, so the rule of the game was theoritically simple. You just have to figure out which box you want to move where, and rotate the line till you get to the right position. But you also must not forget how many moves you have done to take the line back into the original position. And THAT what's so difficult for me.....after two moves, I couldn't remember what I had done!!!! I couldn't re-trace my step....hehehe.... And that's only to finish on one side. When I move to work on another side, all of my hard work before become undone again....hehehe...made me very frustated!!! Okay, I give up!!! I have no brain for this kind of game!!!

Do you???

The Twilight on Sundays

......."It's the safest time of day for us," he said, answering the unspoken question in my eyes. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night......

(Twilight, Stephenie Meyer)

The moment I hate most is Sunday evenings. It is the time when I feel most lonely, so blue, so melancholic. Especially, when I have nothing to do and have to stay at home.

That's why, whenever I could, I would manage to go out and spend the day outside, preferably browsing malls....hehehehe... Still, I prefer not to be home too late. Otherwise, I would be so tired out and it wouldn't be good for my performance on Monday morning. Then, I would be in two consecutively bad days.....hahahaha....

But sometimes, I feel so lazy to go out. And that's when I have to face the worst moment in a week. The sign of the end of the week and the beginning of another unpredictable week. What would I do to handle it? Reading a book...preferably the one which could give me an excuse to cry and release my blue mood. Online and chatting with friends, if I would be so lucky.... Blogging, if I have an urge to write and share my view. Or, watching a good movie on television...which is so rarely happened....hehehehe...

Wow, it's 8.25pm now! The time finally passed by.......

Good bye, Sunday evening.....now, I'm ready to embrace the night and fallen asleep!

My Angel Name

Recently, while I was browsing my Facebook account, my eyes got caught at the application namely Angel Name Generator. I love this name generator and had played several times before. Since I was curious what my angel name would be, I played the generator. And the result was........NATHANIEL The Angel of Fire.

The first time I saw the name, all I could thought was: "Huh?????"....hahahaha.....I didn't know any angel named Nathaniel. And it made me more curious. So, I googled the name and found two websites that gave a clear description about Nathaniel.

According to Worldwide Mediums and Psychics, Angel of Fire Nathaniel means "gift of God". He is lord over the element of fire, a powerful gift from God. He is constantly watching for spiritual fires of aspiration rising from earth. He transfers the fire aspect of divinity to our world where it transforms consciousness from the limited self to the eternal self by burning away misconceptions that would have us believe that we are separate from God.

Okay, I couldn't understand 100% what those words above meant...hehehe... Then I searched through google once again, and found this interesting blog...

Actually, the article in the blog was about an oracle card, which called Angel Nathaniel. I quoted a part that drew my attention:

.......... When this card comes to us it means that Angel Nathaniel is guiding us to call upon him so that he can bring these divine flames to whatever is limiting us as an obstacle at the moment. When one is being cleansed of something, it tends to show up in the forms of:

• becoming super aware of what needs to be changed in life, what action needs to be taken in order to produce forward movement,
• the sudden desire to withdraw from interactions and beliefs that tend to limit our power instead of helping us to embrace it,
• the desire to become clear about what needs to be organized within our lives so that we can create a deeper sense of focus, concentration, and the understanding of what our true goals are.

Angel Nathaniel also brings the awareness of healthy limitation as fire can be a symbol of energy that needs to be used with caution, respect, and boundries.

When I read and tried to absorbe the meaning of those sentences above, I suddenly remembered about my previous writing about the confused feeling in me. And I was a little shocked when realized that somehow there was a connection between these two. It was like someone offered me an answer to the heaviness in me. So surprised, that I checked and played the name generator three times already! And the results were always the same....Nathaniel the Angel of Fire. I started to think that this particular angel is sent as my guardian angel...hehehe.....

So, in the end I read these pray below, to ask Angel Nathaniel to come into my heavy thoughts for a mini angel treatment:

Angel Nathaniel, we welcome you into our sacred energy and space for the healing and restoration of our divine passions.
Where there was heaviness, fear, and emotional wounds, let your divine fires cleanse away the heavy energies of our spirit so that light, confidence, love, wholeness, and passion for living can surface.
Thank you for the divine assistance and I look forward to seeing how this angelic purification manifests in my world....................

Confusion

There have been so many things happened during these three months in my life. In one part, it was as though God granted me what I wished for so long at the exact time when I really needed a way out. In another, it had also pushed me into a fast lane that made me have to jump forward without stop and think for a moment.

When the time standstilled for a while, suddenly I found myself in no-man's land. Sure, the new environment made a space for me, but I couldn't fit in without getting crushed. And I refused to be crushed, not when the old place kept calling me to be back to them. I reasoned that since so many changes has been happened on me, at least I had to have something solid in which I could bury myself if there would be something bad happened in the other aspects of my life. So, okay, before the time started to roll me under again, I jumped out and responded to the old place. And what I found?

After won my sympathy and made me jump back to them, the old place made me waiting for another week to start. And now I'm spending my extra holiday by wondering what it all means? Making me once again having second thought about my decision, whether I'd better stop here or walk away again. Whether it is the right decision or not. It even had made me couldn't concentrate at the evening mass last night. Well, not just this problem...there was also another thing bothering my mind, but it's another story..hehehe...

In the middle of thick cloud surrounding my mind, I heard the voice of my Priest gave sermon about choices and consequences. That every step we take will have its own consequence(s). That we shouldn't worry, because no matter what, God will help us anytime we ask and need. Actually, I had read something similar one day before, when every confusions started to arise inside my mind. But it couldn't stop me worrying and thinking.

At this time, I'm sort of giving my confusion in God's hand. Yes, I'm still worrying...it is after all a part of my caracter - the need to be sure of where I belong to. But I also realised that I had made a choice, no matter which direction it was. That I had to make a best of it. That I have to believe that everything is happened for a reason. That God won't give me more than I could handle. I just wish I will be strong enough to face it.........