Confusion

There have been so many things happened during these three months in my life. In one part, it was as though God granted me what I wished for so long at the exact time when I really needed a way out. In another, it had also pushed me into a fast lane that made me have to jump forward without stop and think for a moment.

When the time standstilled for a while, suddenly I found myself in no-man's land. Sure, the new environment made a space for me, but I couldn't fit in without getting crushed. And I refused to be crushed, not when the old place kept calling me to be back to them. I reasoned that since so many changes has been happened on me, at least I had to have something solid in which I could bury myself if there would be something bad happened in the other aspects of my life. So, okay, before the time started to roll me under again, I jumped out and responded to the old place. And what I found?

After won my sympathy and made me jump back to them, the old place made me waiting for another week to start. And now I'm spending my extra holiday by wondering what it all means? Making me once again having second thought about my decision, whether I'd better stop here or walk away again. Whether it is the right decision or not. It even had made me couldn't concentrate at the evening mass last night. Well, not just this problem...there was also another thing bothering my mind, but it's another story..hehehe...

In the middle of thick cloud surrounding my mind, I heard the voice of my Priest gave sermon about choices and consequences. That every step we take will have its own consequence(s). That we shouldn't worry, because no matter what, God will help us anytime we ask and need. Actually, I had read something similar one day before, when every confusions started to arise inside my mind. But it couldn't stop me worrying and thinking.

At this time, I'm sort of giving my confusion in God's hand. Yes, I'm still worrying...it is after all a part of my caracter - the need to be sure of where I belong to. But I also realised that I had made a choice, no matter which direction it was. That I had to make a best of it. That I have to believe that everything is happened for a reason. That God won't give me more than I could handle. I just wish I will be strong enough to face it.........