Anticlimax after the Hustle and Bustle of Christmas Prep

This morning, December 25, I woke up very late, felt so tired after the performance with the choir on Christmas Eve Mass. But I had to wake up after all, to help my nephew getting ready for the children mass at 7.30am. Then Mom told me about her plan to visit Dad's grave after the mass. Okay, count me in, I said to her. Shortly after that, my brother who stayed for Christmas weekend told me his plan to go back home for a short time, to see whether everything's all right. Okay...so, the whole plan for the day was (1) visiting Dad's grave; (2) go to my brother's home.

We finally came home at 3pm, after did those two original plans above, plus picked up my brother's wife at her parents' house. At home, I checked the Blackberry my office gave for my use and saw there were two messages. At once, my feeling became very dark. Okay, I know that the project division in my office has no holiday at all. But they should know that I'm in the finance department and is in holiday till January 3. I had wasted the first day of my holiday to go to the office and did some work to help them. Still several messages came in asking about this and that, that already out of my power to make it work. So, finally, clearly (and I hope politely) I said that of my opinion to the sender. That I had done my job in accordance with the standard procedure, and everything should be ok normally. Then, I shut the Blackberry and went to sleep with bad mood.

Woke up this evening, I went straightly online and checked my emails. There were so many emails from an astrology website. Recently, I ignored them....straightly deleted them without open and read it. This time, because I didn't see anyone interesting to be poked (hihihi.....!), I read each of them. And....there, one of them was so fit with my feeling this afternoon :

Here is your Daily AstroSlam for Friday, December 25

Duh! It's Christmas day. Why'd you go into work? You're so clueless; you forgot you had the day off. Now that you're out and about, why not do something nice for the poor, pathetic souls begging in the street? You may redeem this day after all.

Okay, I may overlook the two last sentences...hehehe.... But, the previous sentences were quite true. This is after all my day-offs. I have the right to ignore my work, and I don't have to feel bad to point that out to my colleagues.

 

Ok, now, I'd better act nice towards my nephew who had to step aside waiting for me finished writing this...hehehe... He wants to stay awake and watch HOME ALONE 3 at 8pm, which I doubted very much about his ability to wait till that time...hihihi....he's already asleep!!

 

The New Things on Christmas Eve Choir 2009

Almost every Christmas since year 1989, I has always joined a church choir for Christmas Eve Mass. There were so many songs I've learned and known ever since. The classic songs, the popular ones....and of course the regular catholic church songs. Each year, we tried to perform something new, so the choir members won't feel bored have to learn the same every year. This year, however, would be much more unique......I hope, hehehe....

As usual, we had searched and compiling Christmas songs since September. Ideally, the choir should start the prep on October. But this year we had so many engagements for wedding choir, that we decided to concentrate all October for it, while some of us kept on preparing the songs for Christmas. At first, our Coach wanted us to perform two gospel songs, one based on a popular Christmas song: Go, Tell It on the Mountains but using a new composition in swing rhythm. The other one is Jesus, Oh What a Wonderful Child, a fully gospel song. These two songs had caused me a big headache, because I had to translate the partiturs from those tiny dots of notes into numbering notes familiar to the entire members of my choir.

I hadn't finished translating the first two songs, when the Choir Coordinator told me that there would be three more songs needed to be translated. Yikes!!! I didn't have anymore energy, nor time!!! I said. So, in the end, I got help in translating all of those songs....not just the new ones, but also the old ones...hehehe...

Finally, on November the choir could begin the rehearsal. We practised 2-3 times a week to catch up with all of those new songs in a very limited time available. At the final rehearsal last Tuesday, we summed the songs we had to sing tonight. Let's see....there are three songs in old English style (and we have to pronounce it just like the old english way!!!), several classic songs interprated in Indonesian language, a gregorian song with its Latin words, and two gospel songs....hahahaha.....what a mixed up!!!! It should be interesting to know what the congregation think about it....hahahaha...!

Have a very merry Christmas wherever you are!!!

New Job, New Life, New Month

For so long time, I had tried to find myself a new job. The original plan I had wasn't included to hold on one company more than 5 years. Instead, I stayed in the same company and position for more than 13 years!

Everytime I fail in landed myself to a new job, I said to myself that maybe God wanted me for a different role. And yes, there were actually something happened that in the end made me thankful for still staying in my old position. For several years, the biggest reason for me not thought seriously about my failure was my Dad's health.

My Dad was quite elderly and for a very long time suffered a mixed up illness. For some years back, he had to be hospitalized at least once a year for two till four weeks because of his illness. During his stays in the hospital, usually I was the one who was able to take an unlimited leave from work to help Mom taking care my nephew and the household. Why? Maybe because I was the senior at the office, or maybe because my boss was very kind...hehehe...or maybe both. During these leaves, usually I only came to work in the mornings after delivered my nephew to his school, then picked him up after school and stayed at home to supervise his study. Somehow I accepted that there was no way to pursue a new job if the situation would still the same. Because only by staying with the old company, I could help Mom, taking over some of her work so she could concentrate in caring Dad at the hospital.

That's why I was so surprised when on October 29, after a short interview in the morning, someone called me just an hour before the closing time that I was accepted as a new employee at her company. And they even didn't negotiate my asking salary! I asked Mom's opinion, because once I accepted this position, there would be hardly any chance to help her if there was an emergency with Dad. Mom, blessed her, told me to go ahead and accept that new job. So, I called the new office and told them that I was ready to start on December 1. Entering November, I still couldn't stop thinking what it is about my suddenly fortune.

Two weeks before November ended, my worried thought was proven. Once again, for the fifth time in this year, Dad had to be admitted to the hospital again. This time, his illness was very bad that necesitated Mom to be by his side 24 hours a day. But Mom insisted to try relieving me from my usual tasks in emergency situations, while I was still at my old job. It was for adjusting us all in the near future after I moved to the new job, she said. Sadly, this was really Dad's time to leave us behind. He passed away on November 27, 2009, at 9.45pm. And I remembered what I had thought at the first time I heard the news from my sister.....so, that's what it meant with all of my luck I got on last October.

So, I started the new month of December 2009 with a new job altogether a new life in front of me. So beautifully fit, but also so frightening.......

My unique way to celebrate The Youth Pledge

Okay, I know.....it's waaaayyyyyyy too late to write about this. But then....better late than never, isn't it...hehehehe....

The Youth Pledge (Indonesian: Sumpah Pemuda), was a declaration made on 28 October 1928 by young Indonesian nationalists at a conference in the then-Dutch East Indies. They proclaimed three ideals, one motherland, one nation and one language.

This year, as a tribute to the Pledge, precisely on Oct 28, first thing in the morning I put up this status on my Facebook:

28 Oktober......Khusus dalam satu hari ini, marilah kita menggunakan bahasa Indonesia yang baik dan benar, lengkap dengan pola S-P-O-K-nya!

In simple English:

Special during this day, let's use the good and proper Indonesian language, complete with its perfect grammar!

So, since the minute after I published the status above, I chatted with my online friends using the proper Indonesian. No matter that they wrote to me using our usual dialect or slang, I responded to each of them using the proper Indonesian. My original plan was using it for the whole day, 24hr....after all, I only used it online, face to face conversation wasn't included.....how hard it was, I thought....hahaha...I had found the answer sooner before the lunch time arrived.....hehehe...

At 3.47pm, I changed my Facebook status and put up this message:

quitted early in using a proper Bahasa Indonesia today...hehehe...capeeeee deeeeehhh...too stiff, too formal, too un-emotional!! Wait for my complete description about it...hahaha....

See, at first I quite enjoyed flaunting my skill in using the proper Indonesian language. But after an hour responding to my friends' chat, I became exhausted. I couldn't express my feeling in each sentence. All my conversation looked like a scientific report, very dry...but not crispy....hehehe... Each time I wrote to my friends, I felt like have to hold my feelings very tight inside. But I tried to hold on..... During lunch hour, I was offline (thank God!...hehehe....) Then, when I was back online after 3pm, I chatted with one friend, and at the same time decided to let go my original intention....hence my new Facebook status on 3.47pm....hahaha... It was so relieved to be able to express my feeling freely, using any words come in my mind, disregard any grammar...as long as my chat partner understand what I'm talking about.

So, it is true what I thought all of this time. The proper Indonesian language is only fit to be used in a formal conversation between totally strangers or scientific reports. It doesn't mean that I don't love using Indonesian language. After all, how I could know which one is the proper and which one is mixed with a local dialect if I never learn and understand Indonesian language quite deeply? Furthermore, it is the official language for Indonesian citizens, and I am one of its citizens. So....long life Indonesia! Saya bangga ber-Bahasa Indonesia!

Two Weddings and a Mass Service: The story of 6hrs singing marathon on October 25

The first time when our choir coordinator asked my opinion about receiving both or choose only one of two wedding assignments for October 25, I didn't hesitated at all. I said to accept both assignments. Why?

Firstly, there was enough time between two assignments, although the place where each wedding was held was different, but the distance also not so far

Another reason, in each wedding, our choir have a close connection in the past. In one couple, the bride was one of ours once. In the other, it's the sister of the groom who was our member. 

The trouble was, at the same day, our choir also had a routine service for Sunday afternoon Mass. But, still I thought our choir could handle it. There's barely any difficult new songs, either for the two weddings or the Mass. As a songs coordinator, I could choose and arrange so the songs were quite simple and not too many for the three functions altogether. So, it would be no big deal at all, except that it would need a big amount of practices and commitment.

When it was finally presented to all of choir members, there was no strong opposition. Yes, there was quite a big shock and unbelief, but they accepted it...I think....hehehe...! So, the tight practices schedule was arranged and conducted. At the beginning of our intensive rehearsal, I heard some cynical opinion about our audacity in taking such many tasks in one day, that we should take a closer look about the choir's capability before accepted those events. Still, when a friend asked me about that, I remained in my opinion: we could handle it, maybe not easily, but certainly it was within our reach. That we only needed a discipline and a big teamwork. So, our practices went on as scheduled......until two weeks before our big time.....

It was the time to confirm everything, the organ player(s), the time schedule...everything. The first big shock was that the first wedding ceremony was in fact an hour later than our received schedule. It provided us less time to move to the other church and perform our next assignment. Then came the next worry....turned out we only had one musician for the three events, instead of ideally two persons. It meant we had to time everything carefully, so our only one musician had enough time to be ready mentally and physically from first event to the second one. But, what can we do.....we had said yes! So, there was nothing else to do than forward....!

So, our big dreaded time, the October 25, was coming. It was started with quite a bang at 12 o'clock, as the song-books carrier came way too late than the time we'd agreed on and made our Conductor in a bad mood. Thank God, we the singers was quite offhanded about that...hehehe...we just did our best as far as we could. And more luck on us, the first wedding ceremony was quick enough..... At 01.30pm, we had been on the way to the next assignment, 10 minutes from the first church. The traffic was quite smooth, so we also had a time for a quick lunch and a short re-warming-up. Precisely at 2pm, our second wedding ceremony began. And it went on for an hour. By which time, several of us had felt so hot and thirsty, that all we thought was how refreshing is Es Teler...hahaha... So, after the ceremony was over, several of us decided to spend the remaining time enjoying the cold Indonesian drink at a close-by mall, then hurried back to the first church and got ready to perform the routine task for the afternoon Sunday Mass. And there we went...sang again....started on 5pm till 6.30pm. After the closing song finished, we applauded ourselves...hurray, finally we did it!!!

When I think about that day, I am really proud of my choir. Although we all were so tired and weary, we still could sing with all of our heart. The best moment for me is when we sang the Ave Maria by Giulio Caccini. We had sung this song several times in wedding ceremonies, but it was the first time we performed it for a Sunday Mass. For me, the performance that day was the best compared to the other times we sang it. I guess we were so tired, that we just followed every direction from our Conductor, no question, no objection....hahaha.... Furthermore, my personal ambition was 100% fulfilled that day.....the choir had performed the Ave Maria by Giulio Caccini, before the other choirs did the same and we did it very well, too....hahaha... It would be very difficult to get over us....hahaha....very confidence of me, aren't I? hahaha...

Bored to Death

For several days...no, weeks...to be more exact.....well, it had been unbearably very hot here at Surabaya, Indonesia. The heat had seeped my energy, that made me soooooooo lazy in working hours.

For more almost two weeks now, I've been totally alone in the office. I am usually working alone, but not all of the time. The Boss has sent all of my colleagues...the two of them hehehe....doing a field job, leaving me 100% in charge of the office.

Today, I really, really, really felt bored. I had forced myself to do a little work that is not so urgent. After lost all of my will and work spirit, I turned to the computer games. Only worked for an hour. Then, I decided to work on the Christmas choir preparation....translating a music sheet. It was quite complicated and made me so tired and sleepy. So after lunch, I decided to take a nap....yup, at the office....hehehe....it's empty after all! After an hour, I woke up in sweats. Yikes! Even the minimum temperature of Air Conditioning couldn't make the indoor weather much comfortable!

Once again, I forced myself to concentrate on the music sheet, and chatted with a friend and browsed the internet altogether. Thank God, the weather became a little cooler just now. And finally I could finish the music sheet.

Hmmm....there's a few minutes before the closing time. Aha! Rendezvous with Edward Cullen......I do miss him so much! Now.....sssshhhhh! I'm reading the Twilight again......hihihi...!

My End-of-the-Holidays Gloom

During these 13 years working for living, the company has only granted me one chance of long holiday every year. It's the week of Idul Fitri, the big Indonesian Moslem's holiday.

These last several years, I've been desperately trying to use the holiday to banish my boredom spirit, so I could report back on duty refresh and have a clear eyes. The way I used to during school days' holidays. I remember that I was always so eager to be back to school again after a week holiday, to meet my classmates.

This year, I thought I would be more successful than previous years in trying to lift up my working mood during this holiday. But no, sadly I found out that I was seeing the coming Monday in gloomy mood. And all because of the message I received from my colleague yesterday. It wasn't my friend's fault, of course. I'm sure she only did it with the best intention. But nevertheless it had reminded me so strongly about the task I would face no matter how I hate it, the routine, the same working space, the same problem years after years. In the end, I lost any fun I got from the holiday....and it left me feeling empty. Just the same like all of my holidays at the previous years.

Now, I just try to relax, grasp any activities to put any thought about the upcoming Monday behind me. Trying to exorcist my end-of-the-holidays gloom. For all of my friends who has so much luck and will certainly find the new breath in coming back on duty...I'm so happy for you, wish I could be on the same boat!

Favourite Pastime: Browsing Malls!!!

A good friend of mine once told me this story about her Malayan friend. This friend of hers couldn't understand why Indonesian people so love spending their weekend at the malls. The parking lots are always full of cars and motorcycles. The indoor is always so crowded with people everywhere. And below is the reason I gave to my friend for a possible explanation.

For many people in Indonesia, spending pastime at malls is considered as a low-budget attraction. One could see everything in one place, from books till gears, all in a beautiful arrangement. Or see other people with so many kind of appearances. When you're hungry or thirsty, you could buy food and beverages from any kind of fast-food stalls or even eat at the fancy and classy restaurants. Or you could just walk around whereas talking to your friend(s). And the best thing is - especially in a hot season like now - you don't have to feel any hot at all, thanks to the cool air-conditioner. Most of malls in Indonesia provide a complete entertainment for the whole family, from children till the old people. It's no wonder you could find a large group of obviously one family entering a mall, complete with the nannies and nurses for the children.

And for the workers like me, there's no other time than weekends to do some shopping in a leisure time. Most of us spend the workdays working till 6-7pm. There's so little energy left to do some shopping after work. Besides, it's too close to the closing time for most of stores. At weekends, we could have a whole day to browse and shop, and maybe chat with some acquaintances we meet on the way.

So, my friend, that's why we go to malls at weekends! Viva windowshopping!!

Homemaker isn't a good talent?

Last night, I took a quiz through my Facebook account. It's supposed to let us know what talent hidden inside each of us. Based on the questioners, my secret talent is a PERFECT HOMEMAKER. Wow, I thought, isn't it nice? Then I read the comment below my result that made me: "Huh?????"

The creator advised me to do the quiz all over again, because it seemed I wasn't interested in anything. I was advised to, for example, concentrate in my cooking skills, so I could be a famous chef and have my own TV program.

The comment above made me wonder whether I mistook the meaning of HOMEMAKER. So, I consulted my dictionary and wikipedia. And I was right. According to wikipedia, a homemaker works full-time to maintain the home environment. If the person is female and part of the family, then she's called HOUSEWIFE. So, the BIG question is: what's wrong in becoming a fully housewife? Isn't a housewife considered as a special talent? Is it wrong to choose working behind a screen, supporting the husband in his career, raising the children, creating a comfortable home for the family?

Yes, my big dream is becoming a fully housewife. I'm not interested in becoming a career woman, nor a working wife/mom. One thing I understand of myself is I couldn't concentrate in doing more than one task at a time. I value very high women who could building her career and still doing her shares at home altogether. Working full-time has drained me at the end of the day. I couldn't imagine how high my emotion would run if arriving at home, I still have to prepare dinner for the family, checking the children's homework and smile sweetly at my husband....hahaha... I think I would explode very easily each day....hahaha... not a good situation for my loved ones.

The BIG problem in realising my dream is that I'm also rather materialistic....hahaha....see how honest I am? So, what am I looking for? Hmmmm...a rich man who prefers a quiet life and doesn't mind that his wife isn't a model-look at all, that she loves to talk, discuss and sometimes debate, that she would go berserk if he go all day without send her a short message just to say hi, that she still learns how to cook properly, that sometimes she just want to escape and do window shopping for a day alone.....uh, better stop now...otherwise, it would be going and going and going.....hahaha...and no man alive could fulfill that requirements.....hahaha..

So, any man out there dare to take the challenge and apply for the post?

Everyone is waiting for something....

Normally, I don't care too much the film genre such "The Terminal" starred by Tom Hanks. Too serious...hehehe... But, the fact is I had watched this movie twice on TV. Well, okay, because there was no other interesting programs and I didn't feel sleepy at the time.

The first time, I watched it just for filling my time before went to bed. The second time was happened recently. This time, I absorbed several things from the movie. One of them is the title above. It's one of Victor Navorski's (Tom Hanks) dialogues in his conversation with Amelia (Catherine Zeta-Jones).

Everyone is waiting for something... I am waiting for a certain thing that I could see now would never come today while I write this. I am waiting for my birthday wishes being granted while I live in my life every day. And most certainly I am waiting for my questions and doubts to be answered clearly and thoroughly.

Finally, right now I am waiting for the right moment to poke someone very hard for making me waiting all day!!! Oh, well, better get some sleep. Otherwise, not only I suffered from "I HATE MONDAY" Syndrome...it would be continued and become "I HATE TUESDAY, TOO!!!!!"

What are you waiting for?

Why Men Confuse over Women's talkings

One day, I read this interesting material over Yahoo Indonesia. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the article for more reference. When I read it, I only wrote down the points, so I would have some material discussion with a visiting friend at the evening.

The writer said that there's 5 things that often makes men so difficult to keep up in talking with women:

1. Women often talk while do some thinking altogether
2. We (hey, I'm woman!) often talk about many things at once
3. Men hate it when we keep interrupt while they're talking
4. Women love talk in riddles
5. Women prefer to keep silent to show the anger or disagreement

Actually, at first I completely forgot to bring this open for our discussion over dinner that evening. But, somehow I came up with this material and asked what his opinion is. At least, towards me as a woman. And what his answer was?

Yes, it all are very true. Not only me, but also for other women. Especially the second point. Sometimes, he had so much trouble in catching up with my fast talks (in English, no less....hahaha...I just hope he really understood what I stormed about...hahaha...!). Then, it would become much more confusing for him when I kept jumping from a subject to another in the same breath. He really needed to listen hard and focus his attention to my talking, so he could understood where my main direction was....hahaha...Poor him! So, sorry, sir...but I couldn't gave any promises not to do it again next time....hahaha....!

A Warning from Heaven

Here is your single's love horoscopefor Thursday, July 9:

If you're finding yourself getting attached to a certain someone before you really even know them, apply those emotional brakes a bit. Rose-colored glasses are great; a truly rosy
reality is even better.

Here is my reply:
I see... But I thought I had known the most important thing about the certain person that surely would help me keeping my distance. So, I'm getting attached to the person, aren't I? Gee...thanks for reminding me! I'll keep it in my mind.

Why I Love to Blog

Rules for the award:

* Put the award in a post when you receive it.

* Name and link to the blogger who gave you the award in the post.

* Write the reason why you love to blog.

* Pass the award on to other bloggers that you know.

* Name and link to your recipients in the post.

* Let your recipients know that the award was passed on to them.

I got this tag quite some time ago from Mbak Fida. Unfortunately, I had a writer's blocked syndrome....in other words, too lazy, hahaha.....so only now I could respond and write about it. So sorry, Mbak Fid!

I blog because I like to write, to express my thoughts and share it with others. But, I choose to be anonymous so I could feel free in expressing my opinion. Think it as one of my masks....hahaha....! Why I choose to write it in English? So I could keep my english skills exist, although only in passive way. I do have a thought to make a special section to practice my long lost French....but maybe later....hahaha...I have other things I prefer to be done this time...hahaha...!

So, finally, I would like to pass this tag to my great friend on and offline, Starlight.

There Goes Another Dream

Being so long joined in a wedding choir, had given me quite several ideas about what should be done for my own wedding ceremony. Especially what songs I want for the wedding mass.

I had had this particular song in my dream to be the opening ceremony, ever since the first time I heard it (couldn't remember where, though! Most likely from the radio). The title is I BELIEVE MY HEART, sung by Duncan James and Keedie.

Whenever i see your face, the world disappears,
All in a single glance of, revealing,
You smile and i feel as though, I've known you for years,
How do i know to trust what I'm feeling.

I believe my heart, what else can i do,
when every part of every thought leads me straight to you,
I believe my heart, there's no other choice,
For now whenever my heart speaks, i can only hear your voice.

A lifetime before we met, has faded away,
How did i live a moment without you,
You don't have to speak at all,
I know what you'd say, And i know every secret about you.

I believe my heart, it believes in you,
Its telling me that what i see is completely true,
I believe my heart, how can it be wrong,
It says that what i feel for you i will feel my whole life long.

I believe my heart, it believes in you,
Its telling me that what i see is completely true,
And with all my soul, I believe my heart,
The portrait that it paints of you, is a perfect work of art.

Somehow, the lyrics had found an echo deep inside my heart. Hahaha...too serious, isn't it? But, truly, I always imagine that's how I would find the special thing called LOVE....only from a single glance and be followed with so many struggles between my mind and heart, till I couldn't ignore what my heart says and accept the inevitable. Yikes, sounds like I see marriages as a prison, right? Hahaha....

Anyway, I was so annoyed when I found out that my choir would perform this special song for the wedding ceremony at the previous Sunday. Hahhh....there goes my romantic dream! Of course, it's not 100% like my dream at all. In my dream, I would have enough courage to perform this song on my own, together with my would-be-husband. Hahaha....how could I disturbed by such thing, when I still don't have a perfect prince ready to sing with me? Hahaha....

Although a little dejected, I still see this song as one of my favourite wedding songs. The good news, I found another song to be added to the list. No, I won't tell you. I would keep it as my secret a little longer, although I could be sure that this new song would become popular after our next performance, at least in my parish. Hey, a girl could dream, right? hahaha....

My 24hr Guardian Angel

Recently, a friend asked me how I knew that a new acquaintance tried to fool or trick me. All I could give as the appropriate and simple answer is that I have an oversensitive radar.

This special radar is my personal Guardian Angel who works 24 hours a day, seven days a week, non stop. I always see it as a sign that God really exists and cares about me. Not that I'm really a religious person, mind you....hahaha....!

How does it work? I don't know for sure. I could feel the alarm goes off just because I read something between lines of his messages. Or from the way he expressed himself. I could feel doubts mount up in me when I stumbled across a few little, supposedly-unimportant details but in fact couldn't match to anyplace at all.

I'm not the one who could easily asking about any private information. About religion, or marital status, or even birthday. Never I do that on purpose. But, when I saw some interesting opening, I would use the chance to find out more. Once again, never intentionally. I would casually give a comment on that specific opening, let the person tell me more about it on his own time. And during that time, I just sit back, open my eyes and ears. Listen to or reading his stories. Make a connection from one info to the others. Trying to fit everything in its place, all the while listening to what my Guardian Angel whispers in my ears.

Many times this ultra sensitive radar has saved me from wasting my time. But, there were also times that I wished that it was a false alarm. That it was only my prejudice. Sadly, the time had proved that my Guardian Angel had really work extremely well.

Now, once again I am facing the same despair. My alarm had went off twice so far. The first time had been explained neatly. I'm still waiting for the progress of the second alarm. I do really, really hope that this time I would find a genuine friendship, free from any lies and tricks. Why is it so difficult to be found nowadays?

Butterflies in My Stomach

So long have hooked online, I have made so many new friends...of course most of them are male.....hahahaha... But I never met any of them....well, not exactly none. There was one who met me at a computer exhibition, but it was purely an accident....hahaha...! I always could find a good reason not to be able to meet them. Had a committed engagement at the time they visited my town usually is my usual reason. And it is true! I never invented those engagements. But, to be truth, I could make a time to meet them if I really wanted it. And here is where my so-called INNER VOICE enters. The real reason in not making any effort to meet them is because I still felt some doubts about them. Okay, you could call me a coward....hahaha...!

Recently, I met another new contact through Friendster. As usual, I put up the face of non-committal, although he generously gave me his phone number so I could contact him whenever I wanted to. Like I want to text or call any man first....hahaha...moreover, a family man as I'd found out after a couple of letter exchanges. I wouldn't mind making friend with committed men, as long as they're honest and acknowledge their status. Then, I would put them in a nice, neat, special box labelled as UNAVAILABLE.

I would have been happy stopped at exchanging letters and stories, if a good friend of mine didn't keep nagging me to make a first move and offer to meet him for lunch or something. I knew he would visit my city as a part of his business trip. But I also knew that he wouldn't pressure me to do anything I won't, he had stressed that out in one of his letters...hahaha...see, how kind he is? Furthermore, I had an engagement (again???....hahaha) during his last night at Surabaya. Yes, it was true! I had promised to attend a choir practice for a wedding ceremony. And since it's a first practice and I was the one who brought the songs, so I absolutely had to be there. The only chance left was a luncheon at his last day, just a couple hours before he had to go to the airport.

Much I rather hoped that he wouldn't be able to make a time for a lunch meeting, he actually made a time to meet me and my friend. Yep, this is my condition to both of them...hahaha... I didn't want to see some stranger alone! And someone with English speaking! Hah, I could be speechless...hahaha...!

My friend said to be relax and see this lunch as though a meeting with a new client. I didn't tell her that I had never been in a meeting where I was one of the main role....hahaha....! Usually I accompanied my boss or colleague. My new friend said not to worry, because he's a simple person. How could I be relax, when I had to speak English in this meeting? Hahaha...I'd prefer writing in English than speaking it! All those comforting words really couldn't stop butterflies to multiply inside my stomach, adding the tighten knots already been there since several days before.

I was so relieved when all was over. It was quite well, in my inexperience eyes of course...hahaha...! I could face the fact that I had to meet my online friend alone at first, since my friend had something to do before could accompany me. The conversation run well, although I had to place 1,000,000% concentration to listen and understand what he said and another 1,000,000% for composing sentences and expressing my thoughts in English. I just hoped that he understood what I gibbered, because sometimes I couldn't understand what I said myself....hahaha...!

On the journey back to the office, whammmm....it seemed the butterflies inside my stomach couldn't stand the place anymore. They had fluttered around it during the lunch hour, that made me lost my appetite, and now they tried to get out of it. Even though I had a nice message from him just before his plane took off and a congratulation from my friend for my first f2f, I ended the day with this status on my Facebook :

enjoyed the lunch engagement.....ouch, the butterflies now are flopping around her stomach with vengeance...wanting to get out...ouch, ouch, ouch!

My Intensive Driving Practice

I have been holding a car driving license (SIM-A) for over than 10 years. But I took the driving course only in five years recently. Don't ask how I could obtain the license without any course...hahaha...it's a common practice here.

Anyway, the instructor said that actually my driving skill were quite good, but I was lack of confidence. Of course I was! Hahaha....! I am more used riding motorcycle. I could see clearly the space around me and the motorcycle, that made me easily navigate my movement on the road. It is so much different from driving a car however small it is. I couldn't see the space on the outside of passenger seat. It seems so far away to glance quickly and back again watch the road ahead. I couldn't see the bonnet of my car, unless I crane my neck. I remember I became panic whenever there was a car coming towards my direction when I was just trying to pass another vehicle at my side. And my instructor kept asking me to calm down and drive on...hahaha...

So, for quite a long time after the driving course, I still wouldn't like to drive a car. Only occasionally at Mom's insistence when we go shopping together. Her reason was to prepare me in facing any family emergency that required me to drive the car as I'm now the only one who still live with my elderly parents. At the time, my brother still lived with us, and Mom was still quite healthy.

The emergency time came two months ago. Dad had to be admitted at the hospital just one day before three days before Easter. Mom had to accompany him 24hr, my brother has got married and moved out from our house, and my sister came home to celebrate Easter at home, as usual. Actually, it has been decided before that I would be driving and pick my sister at the airport. But at the time, I thought Mom would be able to accompany me, since I had been only several times driving to the airport before. Anyway, as nobody else could do it, I pulled up myself and drove to the airport and pick my sister up.

Now, imagine.... First of all, I had to come and vote as it was the election day. I had to wait a moment too long because I apparently was too early. Then, I had to go my office to take something I left behind the day before. After that, I raced to the airport since it was only 15 minutes to the estimated time arrival of my sister's plane. And it was my first time driving without supervision!

As the day went on, it wasn't the end of my driving time. After picking up my sister, I took her visit Dad at the hospital. Then we went home. The pattern had created for the next four days. We drove to the hospital in the morning, and came home at the afternoon, then went to the Church in the evening to attend the three consecutive Holy days of Easter. Sometimes, I drove my sister to go shopping before visited Dad. Yes, it was my intensive driving practice! I drove around the city three days nonstop!

My right hand had become so ache from the unusual exercise. When my brother came home and gave his promise to stay for the weekend, I immediately got my hand bandaged to ease the ache around my wrist. The bandage surprised my choir friends when I came on duty for the Easter Mass. How couldn't they, when only at the day before we've met without it around my hand....hahaha...!

The positive result from the tiring period is the increasing of my self-confidence. Now, I dare to drive anywhere...well, almost everywhere. There are some places I'd rather avoid, like malls with a difficult maneuvers to park cars. Recently, I even dared to try the automatic car of my Boss's. The next target is driving out of town....hahahaha...since my sister has already hinted so many times to spend the next holiday at one of the cities close by.

My Second Award

Several days ago, I received this nice award from an old friend now resides in USA. Actually, I'm quite ashamed for receiving it, since at that time I had been inactive in blogging. And then I read this note just below the award pict....

To receive this award your blog must be exceptional in design and content; presenting us with new knowledge, a sense of style, or at times just giving us a smile!

Hayahhhhhh....it made me wonder which one had made her gave me this award....hahaha...! Design? No way, her blog is much better looking than mine. I'm still looking a better way to improve the lay-out rather than the standard ones (sorry, Blogger Team...hehehe...!). The content in my blog is also standard, only my opinion about anything come through my mind at the moment. Although I've been trying to develop two blog with different, special subjects.

Presenting others with new knowledge? Maybe. Because the more you read my writing, maybe you'll get a glimpse of a real me inside, other than what I project everyday in public. That would be counted as knowledge, right? hahaha.... And the readers would certainly get a sense of my personal style in viewing this imperfect world for my content and happiness in life.

Finally, it would be my greatest hope that my writing is able to make others smile. In joy and gladness, I hope...hahaha...not in sinister way. No matter how sad my story is, in the end I would try to make a joke. It certainly would help myself raise from the ashes again and get ready to face a brand new day.

So, thank you, Mbak Fid for giving me such award. It has given me an incentive to keep on trying and writing. Hey, I want to monetize my blog someday! hahaha.....

The Time Lapse

It has been quite long since my last writing. The workload, the intensive choir rehearsals added to my Father's illness had drained my energy and writing mood. Sometimes the stress had bubbled an idea to be poured and shared. But it had become a blank mind no sooner than facing the computer screen. In fact, I just checked that there were several unfinished materials in my files, that I no longer had any idea how to finish it. I don't even know why I wrote it at the first place...hehehe...

Now, I'm determined to go back on the track and start to write again. But......how hard it is!!! My brain is frozen still, locked. Too much raw materials in it has made me blank, jumping from one idea to another and another. But I must take the first step now......and will take another tomorrow. Hehehe...must get some sleep now, or I'll be late tomorrow and having I-Hate-Monday Syndrome all day.....hahaha...and it won't do any good for everyone.

So, welcome me back in circulation!

A Friday Night Without Television

As a general rule, I'm not the one who spends most of the time watching television. I'd prefer listening to the radio, the activity that enable me to do something else altogether without ruining my concentration at all.

For quite a long time now, I am only depended on my MP-3 collections or television just to listen to some musics. My radio refused to make any voice at all. Pretty soon, I was bored listening to the MP-3, although it's all favourites. So, I turned to the television as my only savior in waiting for the sleepy come at night.

Last night, when I was reading my Twilight E-book in my laptop (again....hahaha...!) and trying to follow the story of Green Rose (a Korean drama) at a TV station altogether, suddenly the TV screen turned blue. Other colors was disappeared. Yep, my TV needs a repairman! And that couldn't be done in a sec!

So, this afternoon, home from the office, I faced a possibility of long night without any entertainment beside reading in silent. Very convenient time, when I was feeling so melancholic tonight! Or so I thought......

After dinner and a little chatting with Mom, I decided to read my Twilight E-book series (again.....hohoho...sorry, I still couldn't shake my addiction to it at all!) In waiting my rather ancient laptop to start its system, I thought how perfect it would if I could also listen to some oldies songs. So, in an attempt I turned on my radio. The cable power was loose, so I fastened it....need a little force, since I found it a little hard to attach the cable in place firmly. Suddenly the voice blasted on from its speakers. Yay, the radio is on! And I found a perfect station which played the needed songs....oldies and all about love!

So, I have found my little heaven today. The television could take the time as long as it's needed to get re-shape. I have my Twilight E-books, some other novels too just in case I would be tired sitting and reading on my laptop, and the radio singing the bunch of my favourite songs, more than my MP-3, with no time limits at all and without any rewind needed. Long live radio!!!!

Now, hush....one of my favourite songs is starting....... Smile for me...........

To vote or to abstain

Following the latest official advice from a certain religious organization here, and in anticipation of the upcoming national election for Indonesian House of Representative, there's a talk that the same organization would launch a new advice regarding the increasing tendency of abstention. One of my contact in another website has launched a pooling to see how people would react to the possibility.

I'm against the would-be-advice, but I also don't approve the abstention act.

I understand that one of the reasons why many people choose to be passive in an election is that none of the options available is in their favor. But then, we should choose any lesser of two devils, right? Like my motivation in registering as legal taxpayer, I think by voting we also gain some legal rights in criticizing the elected government. If one choose to abstain, the person shouldn't feel it's his right to also eat and enjoy some fruit of increasing prosperity. Nor it's his right to protest any of government's mismanagement causing him suffered. When one choose to abstain, the person also give up the right and responsibility in making sure the government run within his approval.

Then, why am I against any religious interference in this matter? Simple, because it is every one's right to vote or abstain. Even God give us each a free will to choose our own way, either go to Heaven or Hell or just follow any road in sight. The main thing is every option has its own consequences, and we each have to accept and deal with that.
For your information, none of my votes win any elections. Furthermore, lately I lacked information about who or what I should choose. But it doesn't lessen my enthusiasm in participating in the upcoming national election. Hmmm....I think I would give my vote to the same side as before. Curious? No way would you know.....it's strictly confidential...hahaha!

I'm legally a registered taxpayer!!!!

Okay, I should have shouted that days before now. Preferably at the beginning of this January. But due to my too deeply-immersed-reading the TWILIGHT SAGA, I put the idea to the dark corner of my mind. Oh well, it's not the only idea I neglected nowadays....

The SUNSET POLICY launched by the Government to double-up registered taxpayers last year had made me thinking and re-thinking every other day whether I should register or not. The tax value I should pay each year is definitely not much. And there's a possibility that I would be free from paying the annual tax next year, according to the new tax rules. What advantage or benefit would I gain from this small-yet-contains-a-risk step?

My motivation is quite simple. By taking this step, I would have a legal right to criticize the government, especially in its finance management. After all, it's our tax money they use for the operational. It's like saying, "Hey, you couldn't ignore my opinion! I have a legal proof that I had donated a part of my income for your convenience, no matter how little its value but I had had to work hard to earn it. You have received it, use it well within my approval!"

So, in the next two months I would be facing the complicated works of filling in the annual tax report. Not only for the company where I'm working, but also for myself. Hopefully, it would be quite as simple as I think.