Growing Old(er????)

I'm not the person who keeps checking my age. Sometimes, I even have to count how old I am at the moment...hehehe... My family always celebrates the birthday of its member, so I should aware that I'm older each year. Strangely, I never felt that way.

Many times when I looked back to the my school days, I wondered where the difference was. I'm still wearing pants at the most. I still prefer cottons and casual clothes. And I still couldn't keep my make-up to hold on my face more than 3 hours....hahaha...

When I found a white hair on my head several years ago, I wasn't worried at all. Why? Because there's a gene from my father side that makes his children has white hairs even on our young ages....hihihi... Anyway, it becomes a good reason to color our hairs....hihihi...

What makes me realize that I'm almost 40 is my sight. This year, I found out that while wearing my minus 3 glasses, I can't read any bank forms or even newspapers. I have to put down the glasses, then I could read those minuscule sentences clearly. Yikes!!!! My eyes is growing older, faster than my way of life.....hihihi.... So, it's true that we can't beat the nature......I have to hurry my soul to catch up with my physical growth. Why??? Hey, don't you all know that my soul is still in seventeen? hahahahaha......

First of May

I knew this song for the first time when I was studying classical organ as a little girl. I liked it because it's a sweet song and easy to play, of course...hehehe....

When I started to learn English in my secondary years, I thought this song was about a beauty of Spring time. At the time, I couldn't catch the words and I didn't know where to search the lyric.

Once I knew about Google, I searched the lyric and found this below.....

When I was small and Christmas trees were tall

We used to love while others used to play

Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by

Someone else moved in from far away

Now we are tall and Christmas trees are small

And you don't ask the time of day

But you and I, our love will never die

But guess we'll cry come first of May

The apple tree that grew for you and me

I watched the apples falling one by one

And I recall the moment of them all

The day I kissed your cheek and you were gone

Now we are tall and Christmas trees are small

And you don't ask the time of day

But you and I, our love will never die

But guess we'll cry come first of May

When I was small and Christmas trees were tall

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do

Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by

Someone else moved in from far away

My first reaction???? Where was the first of May? I read again from above....oh, there it was....mentioned only twice.

Next reaction??? Confused......what was the correlation between first of May and those Christmas trees and those apple trees and a love story that ended badly......haizzzzzzz.....spring season should be about sweet things.....the story above made me feeling blue, once I knew about the lyric. And the ending, which was let floated and faded away, made it worse....

But, you know, everytime I hear the song starts, I always can feel the sweetness in it.....the romance in the air....hmmmm....oh, okay...I still love this song by BeeGees....hihihi....

....when I was small, and the Christmas trees were tall, do do do do do do.........

first of may image by zarriel on Photobucket

Thank You Lord

Dear Lord, thank You for my beloved ones. Bless them all, let my warm thoughts and cares protect them, support them in whatever they do, wherever they are....

Dear Lord, thank You for all of my friends and acquaintances, for cheering me up when I'm at the lowest and lonely, for speaking through them when I need most.....

Dear Lord, thank You for the unknown people and things you send along whenever I need an inspiration or a reminder......

Dear Lord, thank You for all of the time you granted me for having fun, even when I didn't deserved it at all.....

Dear Lord, thank You for all the time of troubles you presented to me, making me appreciate the little nice things I have in my hands.....

Dear Lord, thank You for the angel to watch over me, protecting me from a hard fall by sending those alarms into my conscience....

Dear Lord, thank You for catching me when I fall, turn on the light when I get lost, even before I ask for help....

Dear Lord, thank You for all of those nights when I could leave all of my troubles behind and dream all of the sweet things....

Dear Lord, thank You for each of the days I spend to solve most of my troubles, make me realize of my strength, make me grow wiser and wiser...

 

Thank you, Lord, for all you've done for me.......
(My personal novena, as written for my FB status before my birthday. I'm now 17 going on 39....hihihi....)

The Rage in Me

Generally, I rarely get myself into an anger state. I always try to shove away things that could make me angry, and I also try not to bother too much about what other people think or say. Why? Because I have this notion that in anger, I will end up either crying or hurting my enemy very badly.

This weekend, I was so shocked because I got into a big and long anger. The worst is, it still hasn't stopped while I'm writing this.

I started my weekend on Saturday morning quite peacefully, actually. It seemed like I hadn't had any weekend for a long time. I was expecting a wonderful weekend, spent equally between friendship, family and my own privacy time. On Saturday afternoon, I felt the first raging fire inside me.

I was driving to the church and had to pick up a friend of Mom on the way. It was a narrow street, so I turned on the turn signal and parked to the left lane as far as possible, so I didn't blocked the traffic. Then, there was this car behind me which kept blow its horn. I had moved forward a little to give more space so the car behind me could pass from the right side. Still the noisy sound hadn't stopped, while other vehicles had already passed through. Finally the car moved.....it paused beside my car while the driver yelled and swore at me. My head blew up and for the first time in my life, I swore back at him. And it didn't stop there. While the car passed through, I felt a hot air shot up inside my veins and I wished that I was a witch so I could put bad spells on him....yes, not ONE spell, but many suffering spells. I became an ugly wild monster....hehehe....

On our way to the church, I tried so hard to cool my anger. And it was so hard. Every time my mind was back to that incident, the hot air kept surging up inside me. I even asked God to help me cool down, still it had blackened all of my weekend.....well, except the time I spent with a friend at a beauty center....it was quite fun....hihihi... But, on other things, it made me easily getting upset. From trying to see through the little one's tantrums till waiting for a reply from a friend that still haven't come through. This afternoon, all of them came flooding my mind, made me so upset and ended up crying on the way home. Thank for the helmet that disguised my tears from people's eyes.....hehehe... 

There, now you all know about one ugly side of me. So, please, oh, please.....try not to provoke me deliberately, will you? I try to keep my human dignity, thank you.....hihihi.....

Enjoying My Solitude

During this month, May 2011, my schedule is mostly full, from Monday till Sunday. Each year on May, my city - Surabaya - is held a big event to celebrate its anniversary. It's called Surabaya Shopping Festival. It is a moment where we could buy things with a nice, big discount. It is also a good moment to see many promotions and exhibitions.

This year, I had a plan to use each weekend on May to shop and replenish the wardrobe of my little one. He became bigger so fast lately, that barely any of his gears fit in him. And there was also a suit of black trousers and white shirt he would need for his First Communion sacrament next month. Then, there was a wedding invitation from the brother of my good friend. And the monthly shopping, my routine 'beauty treatment'. Then, I needed to browse some softwares for my work...... For all of those plans, I only had FIVE weekends....so crowded and would be tiring so much, when I was seeing it at the beginning of May.

So, I organized every step I would had carefully to preserve my energy and health (at the time, I still had some illness leftover from the Easter week). I made a limit only visiting one place (read: mall) each times, and made sure that I still had enough time to rest every weekend.

Then, on the fourth Friday of May I had a nice surprise. My little one was scheduled to do a social activity with his Sunday School on Sunday morning till in the afternoon. Then, Mom announced that she was asked to go with the other members of our church committee for a weekend retreat. I did some calculate and found out that I would have a whole Sunday morning on my own....hmmmm....

So, there was I.... After a busy morning, preparing breakfast and washing clothes, I delivered the little one to his appointment and went back to an empty and silent home. Felt lonely? On the contrary!!! I felt soooooo relax for the first time during the month. I could feel that the time was slow down. No noise from TV or radio, which usually is turned on by Mom and the little one. I could play my online-game freely (because as a rule, I don't allow the little one play any games on computer....hehehe....). I was alone, but I didn't feel lonely.... I was just enjoying my solitude.

Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company.

 

Full Moon

I always imagine a night under a full moon as a romantic moment. There would I be, sitting beside my loved one at the porch....the darkness of night surrounds us, only the bright yellow of the moon light on the landscape ahead....while we would be talking quietly, peacefully and enjoying the moment as though we're the only one who're still up at that night.

But the reality is a far different story. Mostly, I feel so blue and sad during the full moon period. Either it's because I would be just home tiredly from a tough choir practice, or because I would just recover from an illness. Strange, isn't it? hehehe... Or maybe I only realize that it's full moon when I'm alone....hahaha...

Hmmmm.....I think I have to concentrate to look for that loved one first...hahaha... Someone who's willing to sit and talk under a full moon without change into a werewolf or a vampire....hahahaha.. Oh, right, unless it's Edward Cullens...it will be okay then...hahahaha... 

Shopping Spree (3): A Great Regret

This is the hardest thing for me to write about. I still feel the remorse. This is the rare moment when I wish that I could turn back the time and change my option......

For several years, I had spent my money to be able to buy a newest laptop with a big specification fit for design purposes. Of course, I also waited for the decreasing of laptop's price, which did happen each year....hehehe... I did have a laptop in my hands, the early generation of M-Pentium of Compaq Presario that needed a memory upgrading for design purposes, but was still very okay to office works and chatting. And this is the source of my deep regret for this last and biggest shopping spree.

Last year, I found out that I had saved enough money to make my dreams come true.....yes, dreams....not just one.... And so I went and bought some new wardrobe (no, I didn't and won't write about this...hihihi...), a new printer, a new cellphone.....and..... 

One day at the end of February, I went to a hightech mall to visit a computer expo there. I didn't have any purposes but just browsed. Then, my eyes and interests was caught on a Lenovo product. The price is quite nice with a quite high specification, higher than average. But still, its memory wasn't as high as I wanted. Realized what I looked for, the sales person offered me an alternative. The harddisk capacity was lower, but its memory was four times higher than the Lenovo.....and the price was lower.... Whaaammm....I had the money, I saw my dream in front of me.....and I became blinded.....

Back at home, after some hours later, I kind of woke up from a dream and started to re-trace my step. I realized that my need of a new laptop wasn't that urgent. That I preferred to have ready fund in my bank, rather than good and shiny things in my hands. That buying this laptop made me had to re-consider my other plans, such as family vacations.

But what is done had done. Now, I have a new laptop......at least, I had a dream come true....hehehe.... I have to use this laptop as I planned to....install some designing software and get started......first, a plan for my own house make-over. And I've been also re-starting saving hard....to fulfill my other dreams.... Hopefully, I will be able to achieve that in the next two years.......

Me? Stylish? Wow....

A couple of days ago, I got an email from a long-time friend of mine, I'm used to call her Mbak Fida. She presented an award for my amateur writing : STYLISH BLOGGER AWARD

Stylish? Me? Gee...thank you so much, Mbak! It is always so nice to be appreciated....:-).

This year, I've been trying to increase my writing frequency. I have a final part of material that still need a huge courage from myself to write and share it to others. Also, I've been concentrating in re-arranging the outlook of my page. For the last one, I asked my brother to help me out, because I couldn't understand this machine language....hahaha... So, if anyone notice a sudden change on my page, it's not ME!!! hehehe...

Back to the award, there's some rules in receiving this award :

Thank and link back the person who gave you this award.
Share 7 things about yourself.
Award at least 5 great bloggers you know.
Contact those bloggers and tell them about the award.

First rule...easy and already done it!

Second rule......7 things about myself? Yikes...... Okay, let's see...

One, don't like to talk about myself.....unless someone asks, then I could never stop chatter....hihihi...

Two, don't like white colour...so don't dream seeing me wearing white as a bride....hehehe...

Three, a homebody....means a person who prefers stay at home at spare-times.....me, more preferably sleeping...hehehe...

Four, like to have a plan and timetable....it doesn't matter whether the plan could be done or not afterwards

Five, prefer to watch a movie at TV rather than at cinema or DVD......never see a new movie? doesn't matter...hehehe...

Six, prefer to read the book rather than the movie version

Seven, drink soda to cheer myself up.....of course, after that I will suffer from gastroenteritis...hahaha....

Next rule.....I am presenting this award to Stardust, Dominick,......who else? Yikes, I couldn't find anyone else but Mbak Fida.....hehehe.... Does it mean that I'm not eligible to receive this award, huh? hiks.....you've read those 7 things about myself....huaaaaaaaaaa....

To my friends above, grab this award below as fast as you could, before someone take it from my page.....

 

Shopping Spree (2): Printer

For a very long time, I hadn't had any printer at home. Only a laptop. Well, I did have one before. It was a very ancient Canon BJ-200 which came altogether with my first PC. When I changed my PC with a laptop and a much higher system, the printer system couldn't keep up with it. So, I gave it to my brother when he asked for it. I didn't buy any replacement, because :

1. I rarely needed to print anything at home. If I did need to print something, it wasn't so urgent, that I could do it from my office instead
2. I had a plan to replace the laptop with a brand new one, and at the time purchasing a new laptop will get a printer as well.   

 

I changed my mind lately, because my little one needed to have a printer ready at home for his homework more and more. Sometimes, he would need it for the next day, so I won't have any time to do it at work. Furthermore, the printers I have at work are very moody.....they would act badly whenever I need to print things urgently....hehehe...

I went to a high-tech mall and browsed some printer stores. I was looking for any modified printer, so I could refill the inks easily without have to change its cartridges. Actually, I was quite attracted with a new product of Epson which has the modified system I wanted. Of course, this is a legal modifying. Too bad, the price is still too high for me....hehehe... So, regretfully I chose an Epson T-13 printer modified by an independent store.... 

Hmmmm, maybe I'll recommend the new product of Epson when my boss give me a permission to buy a new printer....hehehe....

Shopping Spree (1): Cellphone

People says that first love is unforgettable. It is true!

My first cellphone was a Siemens C-35. It was even not a new one. My sister handed it over to me. I used the phone for several years, until I had to buy a new phone due to a battery problem. I tried Phillips and Motorola products. And during that time, my longing to go back using a Siemens product was intensified. That's why when my last phone (a Motorola product at the time) needed to replace, I bought a Siemens A-31. Not a high-tech type, because for me a cellphone is just a phone. I use it mainly for phoning and exchanging sms, so people could contact me easily anytime and anywhere. I remember how I felt after bought that Siemens A-31....so relieved, like I came home at last....

That's why I was so broken-hearted when once again I met the inevitable thing. I had to replace my overdue, beloved, five years old cellphone. What made me broken-hearted was that there weren't any new Siemens or Benq-Siemens products launched at my city. In fact, there aren't any of their sales agents available here anymore. So, I started to hunt another brand that could compete my liking towards the Siemens product and (of course) fit in with my budget....hehehe... Do you know that I need two months to do the hunting? hihihi...it is true!!! I bought a couple of cellphone journals, browsed the web to find out and compare the fiturs and prices of each product. And I had done it since last December...hehehe...

Why was it so hard for me to choose? Mainly, because the trend in cellphones nowadays is in Blackberry stereotype. Whereas I don't like the qwerty pad (too wide on my palm), nor do I like the touch screen type (my finger isn't that sensitive...nor that patient....hihihi...). I still want the classic type, either candy bar or - if there's no other alternative - sliding. And I really hoped that the price was still under IDR 1,000,000. So, when a friend suggested this brand of Sony-Ericsson, I had some doubts. Because as far as I knew, the price of their products were over than one millions. Nevertheless, I hunted its official website to find out more.

The first thing I like about the product I finally bought, was that it supported the Green Earth Program. I just hope that they said the truth....hehehe... Then I saw the model (still in the website) and I liked what I saw. And its fiturs.....and more, its price!!! Of course laaaahhhh.....hehehe... So, on the fifth Saturday of January, during the second week of my shopping spree, I dropped by to the Sony-Ericsson Gallery to find out more and see the real thing, before finally decided to buy it.

Here it is......

Sony-Ericsson Cedar J108i, with 3G connection that's supported by my SIM Card, 2.0 MP Camera (which I had already tried and sent it to my sister using the MMS....hey, it's the first time for me using MMS...hihihi!), and a one-way-video-call (hmmmm.....I can't wait to try it...hihihi....). With its 2 GB external memory, now I could save many memorable messages and move it to another place to keep it exist for a looooooooong time...hehehe...

So, I'm now a proud owner of a SE Cedar. Hopefully, it would last for many years....because, really, it's so much bother have to move all of data from the old place to the new one!!!

PS.: I'm still mourning about my first love....don't know when I will be able to own one again in future....hiks...

My Resolution for 2011

Twenty one days has gone by this year. Yet, I've been too busy to sit down and think about the past and the future. No, not just at work...hehehe...my so-called social life also drained most of my energy, so whenever there was time, I preferred to go to sleep....hehehe...

Okay, I also used my full schedule to stall the time, so I don't have to think and plan anything. But, then, it's not me. I'm the person who prefer to get organized the moment my eyes open in the morning, no matter the plan would run or delay, or even ruin altogether. So, here I am....had finished my task for the day, with 30 minutes left before the closing time...and have already got bored playing on-line games (pssssttt.....hihihi...!). And all of the thoughts about this new year came flooding my brain......

So, what do I want to do during this year?

1. Write for my personal blog more often
2. Start thinking to build my own business
3. Visiting ancient architecture places in Indonesia
4. Learn more about photography
5. Making passport for an abroad holiday

Yikes, the first month is almost over!!! Ohhh, but I still need more time to sleep.....let's talk again about it tomorrow.......zzzzzzzz....