The Rage in Me

Generally, I rarely get myself into an anger state. I always try to shove away things that could make me angry, and I also try not to bother too much about what other people think or say. Why? Because I have this notion that in anger, I will end up either crying or hurting my enemy very badly.

This weekend, I was so shocked because I got into a big and long anger. The worst is, it still hasn't stopped while I'm writing this.

I started my weekend on Saturday morning quite peacefully, actually. It seemed like I hadn't had any weekend for a long time. I was expecting a wonderful weekend, spent equally between friendship, family and my own privacy time. On Saturday afternoon, I felt the first raging fire inside me.

I was driving to the church and had to pick up a friend of Mom on the way. It was a narrow street, so I turned on the turn signal and parked to the left lane as far as possible, so I didn't blocked the traffic. Then, there was this car behind me which kept blow its horn. I had moved forward a little to give more space so the car behind me could pass from the right side. Still the noisy sound hadn't stopped, while other vehicles had already passed through. Finally the car moved.....it paused beside my car while the driver yelled and swore at me. My head blew up and for the first time in my life, I swore back at him. And it didn't stop there. While the car passed through, I felt a hot air shot up inside my veins and I wished that I was a witch so I could put bad spells on him....yes, not ONE spell, but many suffering spells. I became an ugly wild monster....hehehe....

On our way to the church, I tried so hard to cool my anger. And it was so hard. Every time my mind was back to that incident, the hot air kept surging up inside me. I even asked God to help me cool down, still it had blackened all of my weekend.....well, except the time I spent with a friend at a beauty center....it was quite fun....hihihi... But, on other things, it made me easily getting upset. From trying to see through the little one's tantrums till waiting for a reply from a friend that still haven't come through. This afternoon, all of them came flooding my mind, made me so upset and ended up crying on the way home. Thank for the helmet that disguised my tears from people's eyes.....hehehe... 

There, now you all know about one ugly side of me. So, please, oh, please.....try not to provoke me deliberately, will you? I try to keep my human dignity, thank you.....hihihi.....