Butterflies in My Stomach

So long have hooked online, I have made so many new friends...of course most of them are male.....hahahaha... But I never met any of them....well, not exactly none. There was one who met me at a computer exhibition, but it was purely an accident....hahaha...! I always could find a good reason not to be able to meet them. Had a committed engagement at the time they visited my town usually is my usual reason. And it is true! I never invented those engagements. But, to be truth, I could make a time to meet them if I really wanted it. And here is where my so-called INNER VOICE enters. The real reason in not making any effort to meet them is because I still felt some doubts about them. Okay, you could call me a coward....hahaha...!

Recently, I met another new contact through Friendster. As usual, I put up the face of non-committal, although he generously gave me his phone number so I could contact him whenever I wanted to. Like I want to text or call any man first....hahaha...moreover, a family man as I'd found out after a couple of letter exchanges. I wouldn't mind making friend with committed men, as long as they're honest and acknowledge their status. Then, I would put them in a nice, neat, special box labelled as UNAVAILABLE.

I would have been happy stopped at exchanging letters and stories, if a good friend of mine didn't keep nagging me to make a first move and offer to meet him for lunch or something. I knew he would visit my city as a part of his business trip. But I also knew that he wouldn't pressure me to do anything I won't, he had stressed that out in one of his letters...hahaha...see, how kind he is? Furthermore, I had an engagement (again???....hahaha) during his last night at Surabaya. Yes, it was true! I had promised to attend a choir practice for a wedding ceremony. And since it's a first practice and I was the one who brought the songs, so I absolutely had to be there. The only chance left was a luncheon at his last day, just a couple hours before he had to go to the airport.

Much I rather hoped that he wouldn't be able to make a time for a lunch meeting, he actually made a time to meet me and my friend. Yep, this is my condition to both of them...hahaha... I didn't want to see some stranger alone! And someone with English speaking! Hah, I could be speechless...hahaha...!

My friend said to be relax and see this lunch as though a meeting with a new client. I didn't tell her that I had never been in a meeting where I was one of the main role....hahaha....! Usually I accompanied my boss or colleague. My new friend said not to worry, because he's a simple person. How could I be relax, when I had to speak English in this meeting? Hahaha...I'd prefer writing in English than speaking it! All those comforting words really couldn't stop butterflies to multiply inside my stomach, adding the tighten knots already been there since several days before.

I was so relieved when all was over. It was quite well, in my inexperience eyes of course...hahaha...! I could face the fact that I had to meet my online friend alone at first, since my friend had something to do before could accompany me. The conversation run well, although I had to place 1,000,000% concentration to listen and understand what he said and another 1,000,000% for composing sentences and expressing my thoughts in English. I just hoped that he understood what I gibbered, because sometimes I couldn't understand what I said myself....hahaha...!

On the journey back to the office, whammmm....it seemed the butterflies inside my stomach couldn't stand the place anymore. They had fluttered around it during the lunch hour, that made me lost my appetite, and now they tried to get out of it. Even though I had a nice message from him just before his plane took off and a congratulation from my friend for my first f2f, I ended the day with this status on my Facebook :

enjoyed the lunch engagement.....ouch, the butterflies now are flopping around her stomach with vengeance...wanting to get out...ouch, ouch, ouch!

My Intensive Driving Practice

I have been holding a car driving license (SIM-A) for over than 10 years. But I took the driving course only in five years recently. Don't ask how I could obtain the license without any course...hahaha...it's a common practice here.

Anyway, the instructor said that actually my driving skill were quite good, but I was lack of confidence. Of course I was! Hahaha....! I am more used riding motorcycle. I could see clearly the space around me and the motorcycle, that made me easily navigate my movement on the road. It is so much different from driving a car however small it is. I couldn't see the space on the outside of passenger seat. It seems so far away to glance quickly and back again watch the road ahead. I couldn't see the bonnet of my car, unless I crane my neck. I remember I became panic whenever there was a car coming towards my direction when I was just trying to pass another vehicle at my side. And my instructor kept asking me to calm down and drive on...hahaha...

So, for quite a long time after the driving course, I still wouldn't like to drive a car. Only occasionally at Mom's insistence when we go shopping together. Her reason was to prepare me in facing any family emergency that required me to drive the car as I'm now the only one who still live with my elderly parents. At the time, my brother still lived with us, and Mom was still quite healthy.

The emergency time came two months ago. Dad had to be admitted at the hospital just one day before three days before Easter. Mom had to accompany him 24hr, my brother has got married and moved out from our house, and my sister came home to celebrate Easter at home, as usual. Actually, it has been decided before that I would be driving and pick my sister at the airport. But at the time, I thought Mom would be able to accompany me, since I had been only several times driving to the airport before. Anyway, as nobody else could do it, I pulled up myself and drove to the airport and pick my sister up.

Now, imagine.... First of all, I had to come and vote as it was the election day. I had to wait a moment too long because I apparently was too early. Then, I had to go my office to take something I left behind the day before. After that, I raced to the airport since it was only 15 minutes to the estimated time arrival of my sister's plane. And it was my first time driving without supervision!

As the day went on, it wasn't the end of my driving time. After picking up my sister, I took her visit Dad at the hospital. Then we went home. The pattern had created for the next four days. We drove to the hospital in the morning, and came home at the afternoon, then went to the Church in the evening to attend the three consecutive Holy days of Easter. Sometimes, I drove my sister to go shopping before visited Dad. Yes, it was my intensive driving practice! I drove around the city three days nonstop!

My right hand had become so ache from the unusual exercise. When my brother came home and gave his promise to stay for the weekend, I immediately got my hand bandaged to ease the ache around my wrist. The bandage surprised my choir friends when I came on duty for the Easter Mass. How couldn't they, when only at the day before we've met without it around my hand....hahaha...!

The positive result from the tiring period is the increasing of my self-confidence. Now, I dare to drive anywhere...well, almost everywhere. There are some places I'd rather avoid, like malls with a difficult maneuvers to park cars. Recently, I even dared to try the automatic car of my Boss's. The next target is driving out of town....hahahaha...since my sister has already hinted so many times to spend the next holiday at one of the cities close by.

My Second Award

Several days ago, I received this nice award from an old friend now resides in USA. Actually, I'm quite ashamed for receiving it, since at that time I had been inactive in blogging. And then I read this note just below the award pict....

To receive this award your blog must be exceptional in design and content; presenting us with new knowledge, a sense of style, or at times just giving us a smile!

Hayahhhhhh....it made me wonder which one had made her gave me this award....hahaha...! Design? No way, her blog is much better looking than mine. I'm still looking a better way to improve the lay-out rather than the standard ones (sorry, Blogger Team...hehehe...!). The content in my blog is also standard, only my opinion about anything come through my mind at the moment. Although I've been trying to develop two blog with different, special subjects.

Presenting others with new knowledge? Maybe. Because the more you read my writing, maybe you'll get a glimpse of a real me inside, other than what I project everyday in public. That would be counted as knowledge, right? hahaha.... And the readers would certainly get a sense of my personal style in viewing this imperfect world for my content and happiness in life.

Finally, it would be my greatest hope that my writing is able to make others smile. In joy and gladness, I hope...hahaha...not in sinister way. No matter how sad my story is, in the end I would try to make a joke. It certainly would help myself raise from the ashes again and get ready to face a brand new day.

So, thank you, Mbak Fid for giving me such award. It has given me an incentive to keep on trying and writing. Hey, I want to monetize my blog someday! hahaha.....

The Time Lapse

It has been quite long since my last writing. The workload, the intensive choir rehearsals added to my Father's illness had drained my energy and writing mood. Sometimes the stress had bubbled an idea to be poured and shared. But it had become a blank mind no sooner than facing the computer screen. In fact, I just checked that there were several unfinished materials in my files, that I no longer had any idea how to finish it. I don't even know why I wrote it at the first place...hehehe...

Now, I'm determined to go back on the track and start to write again. But......how hard it is!!! My brain is frozen still, locked. Too much raw materials in it has made me blank, jumping from one idea to another and another. But I must take the first step now......and will take another tomorrow. Hehehe...must get some sleep now, or I'll be late tomorrow and having I-Hate-Monday Syndrome all day.....hahaha...and it won't do any good for everyone.

So, welcome me back in circulation!

A Friday Night Without Television

As a general rule, I'm not the one who spends most of the time watching television. I'd prefer listening to the radio, the activity that enable me to do something else altogether without ruining my concentration at all.

For quite a long time now, I am only depended on my MP-3 collections or television just to listen to some musics. My radio refused to make any voice at all. Pretty soon, I was bored listening to the MP-3, although it's all favourites. So, I turned to the television as my only savior in waiting for the sleepy come at night.

Last night, when I was reading my Twilight E-book in my laptop (again....hahaha...!) and trying to follow the story of Green Rose (a Korean drama) at a TV station altogether, suddenly the TV screen turned blue. Other colors was disappeared. Yep, my TV needs a repairman! And that couldn't be done in a sec!

So, this afternoon, home from the office, I faced a possibility of long night without any entertainment beside reading in silent. Very convenient time, when I was feeling so melancholic tonight! Or so I thought......

After dinner and a little chatting with Mom, I decided to read my Twilight E-book series (again.....hohoho...sorry, I still couldn't shake my addiction to it at all!) In waiting my rather ancient laptop to start its system, I thought how perfect it would if I could also listen to some oldies songs. So, in an attempt I turned on my radio. The cable power was loose, so I fastened it....need a little force, since I found it a little hard to attach the cable in place firmly. Suddenly the voice blasted on from its speakers. Yay, the radio is on! And I found a perfect station which played the needed songs....oldies and all about love!

So, I have found my little heaven today. The television could take the time as long as it's needed to get re-shape. I have my Twilight E-books, some other novels too just in case I would be tired sitting and reading on my laptop, and the radio singing the bunch of my favourite songs, more than my MP-3, with no time limits at all and without any rewind needed. Long live radio!!!!

Now, hush....one of my favourite songs is starting....... Smile for me...........