Child or No Child?

Once, a friend asked how many children I would like to have in my family. At the time, I said that I always saw myself surrounded by five children and the oldest was a boy.

In a recent conversation with another friend, we discussed about having a child of our own. This time I said to this friend that if and when I finally get married, I think I don't want to get pregnant and have a child of my own. It's no longer my priority.

It is not a health issue. Many doctors say that nowadays 40yro women could be pregnant and deliver babies as safely as 30yro ones. It is more to my personal moral-responsibility. When you decide to deliver a person to this world, you'd better take a great responsible to raise him to become a good person.

At the moment, I have a little boy in my care. Although not my own, I always consider him as a part of my life. Through him, I have learnt how many patience I have to care for a child, to raise the little one become a good person....and it is very limited....hehehe... My mom is the one who teach the little one, from learning to read and count till studying Geographic. Her patience is so great, because the little one is not the easiest person to teach. I'm very thankful that Mom is still in a great shape in her old days, still be able to teach high school mathematics to the little one, while most of them has lost me...hehehe... Of course, I can't depend on her to be able to teach my next offspring, right? It is not fair for her....

In my dream, at age 40 and married, I should have been free from caring little children. Instead, I should be able to concentrate in building (or re-building) a sweet relationship with my better-half. So, I hope women won't say that I'm not fulfilling my destiny as a woman....I'll fight you over the "destiny" thing....hehehe... On the other side, I hope my better-half will agree with my principal, that I won't put my marriage on the urge to keep on our heredity.