Child or No Child?

Once, a friend asked how many children I would like to have in my family. At the time, I said that I always saw myself surrounded by five children and the oldest was a boy.

In a recent conversation with another friend, we discussed about having a child of our own. This time I said to this friend that if and when I finally get married, I think I don't want to get pregnant and have a child of my own. It's no longer my priority.

It is not a health issue. Many doctors say that nowadays 40yro women could be pregnant and deliver babies as safely as 30yro ones. It is more to my personal moral-responsibility. When you decide to deliver a person to this world, you'd better take a great responsible to raise him to become a good person.

At the moment, I have a little boy in my care. Although not my own, I always consider him as a part of my life. Through him, I have learnt how many patience I have to care for a child, to raise the little one become a good person....and it is very limited....hehehe... My mom is the one who teach the little one, from learning to read and count till studying Geographic. Her patience is so great, because the little one is not the easiest person to teach. I'm very thankful that Mom is still in a great shape in her old days, still be able to teach high school mathematics to the little one, while most of them has lost me...hehehe... Of course, I can't depend on her to be able to teach my next offspring, right? It is not fair for her....

In my dream, at age 40 and married, I should have been free from caring little children. Instead, I should be able to concentrate in building (or re-building) a sweet relationship with my better-half. So, I hope women won't say that I'm not fulfilling my destiny as a woman....I'll fight you over the "destiny" thing....hehehe... On the other side, I hope my better-half will agree with my principal, that I won't put my marriage on the urge to keep on our heredity.

Easter Week and Illness

I belong to a catholic youth choir which is always on duty for Holy Saturday and Christmas Eve masses. And it has became a joke between my friends - especially in Altos - that I'm always fallen ill close to the due date of our performance. Usually, I get caught by a bad cough...that makes me have to struggle hard between breathe, coughing and singing.

This year, as usual, I became very cautious when we reached two weeks before the Holy Saturday (April 7). After the general rehearsal at April 3, I was ready to congratulate myself. Because beside the sore throat due to the intensive practices we had, it looked like for the first time I would be able to perform in 100% healthy condition...... How wrong I was!!!!

During two weeks prior to Easter, the weather was changing quickly between cold and humid. I was on duty for playing organ during the Holy Thursday Mass. That was the first time I felt that the AC inside our church was too cold. In addition, I sat exactly under the AC vent. I went home that night feeling so frozen and cramp.

When I attended the Good Friday Mass the following day, I was so dismayed finding the AC was still too cold for me....even after I wore a shawl to warm myself. In the middle of the mass, I found out red spots appeared on both of my arms. Great, I thought, my skin began to cry out. After the mass, I checked and found out that the spots also appeared on my thighs. Great, sooo great - I said to my family - apparently I got the skin allergic thanks to the freezing temperature of the AC. Years before (on my university days), I got the same illness when I was assigned to stay at a little town during a very cold weather.

On Saturday morning, April 7, 12 hours before our performance, I still felt normal. I drove my family to visit Dad's grave early morning. Then went to have the car being washed, and also bought a special coconut for the skin rash. I started to feel worse by midday, feeling so weak...and the rash kept spreading all over my body. So, I took an anti-allergic pill and slept. I said to myself, if I couldn't wake up in time for the choir, so be it... Surprisingly, I woke up at 8pm, enough time to get ready and join my choir. Was I feeling better? Nope!! In fact, I woke up with a fever...that made me doubted whether I could make it. But with each step I took in readying myself, I felt that the fever went away. So be it....I wore the uniform, doubled with a shawl and went to sing for the Holy Saturday Mass. Of course, half way of the mass, I felt my energy being drained....that I had to fight hard to keep on till the end.

The illness stroke back on Sunday....as usual, after the important event has passed by.....hehehe... I began to have a high fever during the afternoon, that made my face very red according to my sister. She was worried that the skin allergic could be actually a Rubella (German measles). Haizzzzzz....I could have spread it to so many people if it was true.

So, on Monday morning, I went to a general practitioner near my house to make sure what my illness was. Apparently I had made the doctor confused..hehehehe... But after checking my condition, he said that it wasn't Rubella. Just a nasty skin allergic with complication. Thank God!!! But the high fever made me weak for three days and had to struggle for a week to regain my 100% condition.

Apparently, I still can't celebrate Easter without having sick.....hahaha...maybe next year...we'll see....hehehe...