After all these time

September 9....
catching me unaware

September 9, 2004
still the greatest moment,
still the sweetest memory

Years has gone by,
always wondering what had gone wrong,
wishing time would go back

But live must go on,
so, once again good bye,
hope everything would be as we want it to be...
in the end

Said Something, God?

I just barely finished writing my previous material, when a good friend greeted me on messenger. She wanted to know what I wrote about, so I told her...hmmm, maybe a little more complete than the written thing, since she also knew the story behind it.

At the same time, I also opened my mailbox and read the messages there. And there was this special message that so fit in my frantic situation....

Here is your single's love horoscope for Thursday, September 4:

Today you may be tempted to look at issues deeply, but be sure to keep everything in proper perspective. An earth-shatter event for you, may mean nothing to someone else. Don't exaggerate your own problems to gain sympathy with others.

Finished reading it, there came my friend's reply through my messenger. She tried to calm me down by saying that maybe it wouldn't come out as bad as it looked. Somehow, I knew that that would be her reply, right after read those words above. Although I surely didn't want to gain her sympathy, but yes, I realized at the time that maybe I was just panic over no reason at all.

I am still a little panic whenever I think about that certain problem. But I do try to calm down and just wait and see. Maybe when the time is really here, I won't think anything anymore but just jump and swim across. Better think and finish my workload right now...hahaha...before there would be no time at all in my hand.

Is this Your way to answer me, God?

Quo vadis?

I am running out of time.....
the distance and space I used to stall my time has shortened.

I knew that sooner or later I would have to face and deal with it,
but deep down in my heart hoping that there would be another, better option to be chosen over,
another way that more make sense for my ideas and dreams.

I am running out of time.....
and God, You certainly don't help me with Your silence this time!
You had given me a quick exit many times before,
when the choices were in my favour,
but now....
I don't like the present option, You know that!
and You just keep silent....

I am running out of time.....
I just hope that everything would not as bad as I fear,
that all of these would be only in my silly imagination

I am running out of time....

Egos and Insecurities

Here is your single's love horoscope for Wednesday, September 3:
Your ego keeps getting in the way of a close connection with someone new.
It's hard to let go of insecurities when someone new is teasing you. Learning to
laugh at yourself is a sexy trait to master.

I have this strange relationship with a new acquaintance from tagged.com. To be honest, I don't quite like his attitude in building relationship, and I don't like his emotional reaction more whenever I refused to give him some personal information. So, I deleted him from my contact list, although I never erased his id from my memory and always answer his greetings.

Insecurity? I guess so. It always becomes the highest wall, the biggest burden for me in making progress of a relationship, making it real from chatting and emails into f2f. There are so much what-ifs going around in my mind. I guess I am just afraid getting hurt and couldn't heal myself. The trouble is....whenever I finally am ready to step forward, the man has already fled with so many reasons, from gone with wind till caught in as lier, cheater, or even spammer. Ah, well....so, it means my insecure instinct was right, right? hahaha...there you go....my big ego! hahaha....