Butterflies in My Stomach

So long have hooked online, I have made so many new friends...of course most of them are male.....hahahaha... But I never met any of them....well, not exactly none. There was one who met me at a computer exhibition, but it was purely an accident....hahaha...! I always could find a good reason not to be able to meet them. Had a committed engagement at the time they visited my town usually is my usual reason. And it is true! I never invented those engagements. But, to be truth, I could make a time to meet them if I really wanted it. And here is where my so-called INNER VOICE enters. The real reason in not making any effort to meet them is because I still felt some doubts about them. Okay, you could call me a coward....hahaha...!

Recently, I met another new contact through Friendster. As usual, I put up the face of non-committal, although he generously gave me his phone number so I could contact him whenever I wanted to. Like I want to text or call any man first....hahaha...moreover, a family man as I'd found out after a couple of letter exchanges. I wouldn't mind making friend with committed men, as long as they're honest and acknowledge their status. Then, I would put them in a nice, neat, special box labelled as UNAVAILABLE.

I would have been happy stopped at exchanging letters and stories, if a good friend of mine didn't keep nagging me to make a first move and offer to meet him for lunch or something. I knew he would visit my city as a part of his business trip. But I also knew that he wouldn't pressure me to do anything I won't, he had stressed that out in one of his letters...hahaha...see, how kind he is? Furthermore, I had an engagement (again???....hahaha) during his last night at Surabaya. Yes, it was true! I had promised to attend a choir practice for a wedding ceremony. And since it's a first practice and I was the one who brought the songs, so I absolutely had to be there. The only chance left was a luncheon at his last day, just a couple hours before he had to go to the airport.

Much I rather hoped that he wouldn't be able to make a time for a lunch meeting, he actually made a time to meet me and my friend. Yep, this is my condition to both of them...hahaha... I didn't want to see some stranger alone! And someone with English speaking! Hah, I could be speechless...hahaha...!

My friend said to be relax and see this lunch as though a meeting with a new client. I didn't tell her that I had never been in a meeting where I was one of the main role....hahaha....! Usually I accompanied my boss or colleague. My new friend said not to worry, because he's a simple person. How could I be relax, when I had to speak English in this meeting? Hahaha...I'd prefer writing in English than speaking it! All those comforting words really couldn't stop butterflies to multiply inside my stomach, adding the tighten knots already been there since several days before.

I was so relieved when all was over. It was quite well, in my inexperience eyes of course...hahaha...! I could face the fact that I had to meet my online friend alone at first, since my friend had something to do before could accompany me. The conversation run well, although I had to place 1,000,000% concentration to listen and understand what he said and another 1,000,000% for composing sentences and expressing my thoughts in English. I just hoped that he understood what I gibbered, because sometimes I couldn't understand what I said myself....hahaha...!

On the journey back to the office, whammmm....it seemed the butterflies inside my stomach couldn't stand the place anymore. They had fluttered around it during the lunch hour, that made me lost my appetite, and now they tried to get out of it. Even though I had a nice message from him just before his plane took off and a congratulation from my friend for my first f2f, I ended the day with this status on my Facebook :

enjoyed the lunch engagement.....ouch, the butterflies now are flopping around her stomach with vengeance...wanting to get out...ouch, ouch, ouch!