Anticlimax after the Hustle and Bustle of Christmas Prep

This morning, December 25, I woke up very late, felt so tired after the performance with the choir on Christmas Eve Mass. But I had to wake up after all, to help my nephew getting ready for the children mass at 7.30am. Then Mom told me about her plan to visit Dad's grave after the mass. Okay, count me in, I said to her. Shortly after that, my brother who stayed for Christmas weekend told me his plan to go back home for a short time, to see whether everything's all right. Okay...so, the whole plan for the day was (1) visiting Dad's grave; (2) go to my brother's home.

We finally came home at 3pm, after did those two original plans above, plus picked up my brother's wife at her parents' house. At home, I checked the Blackberry my office gave for my use and saw there were two messages. At once, my feeling became very dark. Okay, I know that the project division in my office has no holiday at all. But they should know that I'm in the finance department and is in holiday till January 3. I had wasted the first day of my holiday to go to the office and did some work to help them. Still several messages came in asking about this and that, that already out of my power to make it work. So, finally, clearly (and I hope politely) I said that of my opinion to the sender. That I had done my job in accordance with the standard procedure, and everything should be ok normally. Then, I shut the Blackberry and went to sleep with bad mood.

Woke up this evening, I went straightly online and checked my emails. There were so many emails from an astrology website. Recently, I ignored them....straightly deleted them without open and read it. This time, because I didn't see anyone interesting to be poked (hihihi.....!), I read each of them. And....there, one of them was so fit with my feeling this afternoon :

Here is your Daily AstroSlam for Friday, December 25

Duh! It's Christmas day. Why'd you go into work? You're so clueless; you forgot you had the day off. Now that you're out and about, why not do something nice for the poor, pathetic souls begging in the street? You may redeem this day after all.

Okay, I may overlook the two last sentences...hehehe.... But, the previous sentences were quite true. This is after all my day-offs. I have the right to ignore my work, and I don't have to feel bad to point that out to my colleagues.

 

Ok, now, I'd better act nice towards my nephew who had to step aside waiting for me finished writing this...hehehe... He wants to stay awake and watch HOME ALONE 3 at 8pm, which I doubted very much about his ability to wait till that time...hihihi....he's already asleep!!

 

Said Something, God?

I just barely finished writing my previous material, when a good friend greeted me on messenger. She wanted to know what I wrote about, so I told her...hmmm, maybe a little more complete than the written thing, since she also knew the story behind it.

At the same time, I also opened my mailbox and read the messages there. And there was this special message that so fit in my frantic situation....

Here is your single's love horoscope for Thursday, September 4:

Today you may be tempted to look at issues deeply, but be sure to keep everything in proper perspective. An earth-shatter event for you, may mean nothing to someone else. Don't exaggerate your own problems to gain sympathy with others.

Finished reading it, there came my friend's reply through my messenger. She tried to calm me down by saying that maybe it wouldn't come out as bad as it looked. Somehow, I knew that that would be her reply, right after read those words above. Although I surely didn't want to gain her sympathy, but yes, I realized at the time that maybe I was just panic over no reason at all.

I am still a little panic whenever I think about that certain problem. But I do try to calm down and just wait and see. Maybe when the time is really here, I won't think anything anymore but just jump and swim across. Better think and finish my workload right now...hahaha...before there would be no time at all in my hand.

Is this Your way to answer me, God?

Quo vadis?

I am running out of time.....
the distance and space I used to stall my time has shortened.

I knew that sooner or later I would have to face and deal with it,
but deep down in my heart hoping that there would be another, better option to be chosen over,
another way that more make sense for my ideas and dreams.

I am running out of time.....
and God, You certainly don't help me with Your silence this time!
You had given me a quick exit many times before,
when the choices were in my favour,
but now....
I don't like the present option, You know that!
and You just keep silent....

I am running out of time.....
I just hope that everything would not as bad as I fear,
that all of these would be only in my silly imagination

I am running out of time....

Egos and Insecurities

Here is your single's love horoscope for Wednesday, September 3:
Your ego keeps getting in the way of a close connection with someone new.
It's hard to let go of insecurities when someone new is teasing you. Learning to
laugh at yourself is a sexy trait to master.

I have this strange relationship with a new acquaintance from tagged.com. To be honest, I don't quite like his attitude in building relationship, and I don't like his emotional reaction more whenever I refused to give him some personal information. So, I deleted him from my contact list, although I never erased his id from my memory and always answer his greetings.

Insecurity? I guess so. It always becomes the highest wall, the biggest burden for me in making progress of a relationship, making it real from chatting and emails into f2f. There are so much what-ifs going around in my mind. I guess I am just afraid getting hurt and couldn't heal myself. The trouble is....whenever I finally am ready to step forward, the man has already fled with so many reasons, from gone with wind till caught in as lier, cheater, or even spammer. Ah, well....so, it means my insecure instinct was right, right? hahaha...there you go....my big ego! hahaha....

Good Will and Honesty

Here is your single's love horoscope for Thursday, July 3:
Your honest desire to maintain good will among your friends is commendable,
but you can't force all them all to get along, all the time. Some people don't
mesh well and never will, and that's okay.

Another coincidence? Or is it God's whisper to soothe my agitated mind in coming to term that once again I lost a should-be-beautiful friendship to greed and deceit. Anyway, it had made me smile when read it this morning. I agreed, I couldn't force others to have a same idea like the utopian thinking of mine in offering friendship and dealing with this world. Life will always go on and I should continue to walk, never stop hoping that maybe next time I would meet another idealist, better person.