Summary of Year 2008

Okay, I cheated on the date and time posting! I had so much things to do since Christmas's Eve, that I didn't have time to be online. Whenever I had time to open my computer, all I wanted to do was reading the e-book of Twilight Saga. So far, I had re-read them more than five times only in a month-time....and there were four books of them!

Back to the main subject.... In the final week of this year, after accomplished my choir duty for Christmas's Eve Mass, I surprised myself with how fast this year actually had moved. It seemed barely in last month that I lighted up fireworks with my sister and nephew on New Year's Eve. This unreal thought almost made me forgot to buy some fireworks. I just bought it on my way home this afternoon, a little early than usual, since my sister and I had a lot of things to buy for my Dad's birthday party tomorrow.
Seeing how fast this year going on, I just thought that there was nothing good I had done during it, but let's see....

Fiction hero:
I started this year with buying the latest series of Harry Potter (the seventh book) despite my usual carefully budget planning. I just couldn't resist it any longer. The series became one of my favourites, no matter it's actually a children literature.
I made a high leap at the end of this year by falling in love with The Twilight Saga. And I did that deeply considering I read all of the four books in less than a month! Thanks to my friend, Starlight, who eagerly advised me to read it and loaned the books. A very cute love story, unfortunately it had made quite an impact in my eyes in regarding the almost-relationship I consciously let it built lately.

Career:
After so much years trying to hold on and placate myself that maybe stay-put was the safest and best way for all despite my restless mind, once again I reached the edge of desperation. I just had to get out from this suffocating environment. How? I don't know. I sincerely hope I would get the new job I was interviewed just before Christmas Eve. The big leap I just did was registering myself as a taxpayer! Maybe the tax value I'd pay isn't much, but listed as a registered taxpayer would give me a right to give my opinion on how my money should be spent by The Government.

Relationship:
I had so much should-be-good relationships during this year. But, sadly, one way or the other I finally could see a fatal flaw in any of them. During several lately months, I let myself drifted into a relationship that principally far, far away from my ideals. But, just like my friend said....who knows? Maybe it was me who wishes and dreams too high that almost unreal. And when all of it almost reached a beach...bammmm......Edward Cullen of Twilight came into my imagination! Everything back to stalled status. Hah! Now I have to find someone that could over him!

Okay, that's all I could think of now. I already have so much plan to do next year.
I need to set up a online group for my church choir. My sister wants me to set up a special blog dedicated for the progress of Indonesian women of today and she will co-host it with me.

And how can I do that all? In my working hour? hahaha......

TWILIGHT: Edward Cullen, Prince Charming and Reality

At the beginning, I never considered to take my friend's offer for loan and read the book. The reason is quite simple. The book is written in the first person style, it would make me as though reading some one's diary....yuck, a violence of private boundaries! Hahaha....!

When the movie is launched, the bombastic review won me over. So, I decided to watch the movie first, so it wouldn't ruin the imagination I usually build myself in reading the book/source. And yes, it is very good in my opinion. Furthermore, the book is five star, so I wouldn't mind to save some money and add it into my library. The catch in my present live and dreams is the love story which once again started to shake and push me into the boundary between dreams and reality.

Every woman in this world has their own of Prince Charming, so do I. And the characteristic of my Prince is so close to the stereotype of Edward Cullen. Mind me....not the Actor, but the Book's Hero! Not necessarily thin, but strong and tall, eagle's eyes, mature, dependable and wise, humorist, too....and many things I couldn't find the exact word to describe it. Like a fiction hero, doesn't it? Yep....I think the same whenever I begin to list everything my-Mr. Right-Guy should have. An acquaintance once said that I set up a too-high-standard to achieve it. So, what? I'm an idealist after all when it comes to give my heart...hahaha...!

Somehow, for sometime now I tried to be more realistic and more or less lessen up my standard, give a chance for someone who is really far-far-away-from-my-ideal and let him build a spider web around us (hilarious? horror? I myself don't know for sure....hahaha!) I even gave him a permission to meet me in the upcoming holiday, although I am also sort of hoping he couldn't get any accommodation since I only told him recently.

And then I saw this movie. Read the book. Hunting some pics of it for my computer's wallpaper. Whereas the man bombarded me with sms and night-calls. And I can feel a panic, restless feeling rise in me. Why should I waste my time and his, when I still couldn't feel any attraction to him. All I had done is fencing around any of his moves. Waiting for a better person, but also still clutch him in my sight. The idealism in me wake up and try to make me hold any move forward before everything go wrong.

So much things going around in my mind at nights for sometime now. As though it isn't enough with so much long and tiring practices for Christmas Choir, added to the more and more ill-feeling I have in my workplace situation. Now, all I want is that the holiday come soon, that I would get that job I was interviewed yesterday, and that I could really find a good reason to end this un-settled-relationship one way or other. Nope, I don't want to see that far into future. All I want now is the day get over soon, so I could go home, read the second book of Stephanie Meyer and go back into my romantic dreams....THANK GOD, IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!

Long Weekend Holiday

Yay!!! I got the permission to take an additional holiday and make it quite a long, long weekend! It would be happened after Christmas, between the Christmas Day and the Moslem's New Year. I've been eyeing this double holiday, because normally my workplace never close down on Christmas-new year season. It usually makes me a little awkward, since all of my family has an end of year holiday but me. Even my sister always take a leave from her job out of our town and come home. My being keep working make me couldn't take her sightseeing other than browsing and shopping at malls, and only in the afternoons after I get home from work.

This special long weekend holiday will be spent at Yogyakarta, my beloved city for holiday. Actually, it's a spur of moment. The idea had come suddenly only two weeks ago. And what a hard work we - my sister and I - had to endure to find an hotel fit in our budget! Many of them have been already full booked!!! Originally, I wanted so much to stay at this particular homestay caught my eyes when searched for accommodation for my colleagues during their assignment there. Oh, well, maybe another time! But, still, it is a beautiful place...at least, what they advertise in website...hahaha...!

Thanksgiving and Early List of Christmas Gift

Dear God.....
thank you for this year,
even if it's full with ups and downs...mostly the downs,
because for every sad moment, you've also given me a chance to be joy,
maybe for only a tiny mini moment,
but it was certainly a chance to take a fresh breathe,
before everything would sink again.

Dear God......
thank you for many dreamless sleeps,
because whenever I slept through the night without any dreams at all,
it means I had nothing weighing my heart and mind,
and it means a lot to me,
even if I only slept for a few hours,
it was better than having a good many hours night sleeping,
but full with bad dreams.

Dear God.....
thank you for still not allowing me move out from this job,
because despite for many of my dreams still couldn't come true,
it has given me a chance to do many things else,
and it has also given me a little more of freedom at work,
more than my friends have in theirs.
(go figure it Yourself, please! You don't want me lie, do You?)

Ok, God.....
now, could I give you my list of Christmas Gift this year?
Yeah, I know it's a little early,
but I couldn't bother You again too soon,
what, with so much things in Your Hands already.
I don't ask too much, really!
It's only a new, fresh, brighter time next year,
that's all I ask.
Well, all right, with all of the complete trimmings of it.
Too much?
Oh, all right......
a little step at a time...
okay, then....
could you poke my boss
so she would give me a long vacation this Christmas and new year?
please, please, please!!!!

Pursue and Being Pursued

Early this morning, a very good friend of mine wished me a great day to start my day at the office. Laughingly, I replied that indeed I would have a very 'great' day today, being pursued by some men whereas I planned to pursue something else...and maybe another person...hahaha....

The positive side in having your profile up in a website is an instant friendship, no matter you're at a meeting or at lunch hour. The opening letter would wait there for you to open it. Sometimes, it would blossom to a good friendship, sometimes it would be better to discard and trash it, and sometimes it would make you run, either for it or from it.

Several months ago, I met someone in a website who said that he's madly in love with me. Till this day, he still keep in contact with me, whereas I still hold him in a bay. He's definitely not my ideal prince! (huahahahaha...!) Last week, I met another man in another website. I like to read his letters and enjoy to write back at him.....finally, someone who could converse in a platonic friendship and I thought the movie "You've Got Mail" was indeed only a fiction! Yesterday, I met another man (again!!!) just like the first man and kept sending me messages till late at night.

This morning, it all became a little hurricane for me. There was a morning message from the second amorous man waiting for my response. Not yet done, then come an unusual morning call from the first amorous man. Really, regardless of what their truly and sincere intentions are, I now know a little how it feel being pursued....hmmm, it should be better said as being hunted....hehehehe! Ironically, at the same day I planned to compose an application letter for a new job. So in a way I also actively pursue...a job, not a man...hahaha!

So, imagine two men running towards me from different directions trying to corner me, and there is me running to another direction trying to catch a rainbow. Phew....what a tiring morning! Okay, now I'd better pursue my works to be done at the end of today!

Drifted Away

I had been so deep in blue mood. Everything looked so dark, that seeped almost all of my forever-carefree spirit. I just tried to survive every other day. My online presence was invisible. In fact, I was rarely online those days. Did I work during those time? Not unlikely....hahaha...at least, not for a quite long time. Couldn't concentrate at all, so I kept moving around my desk, did a little of this and a little of that, just to while away the time.

Sometimes, there was a thought to write something in my blog. But, unfortunately, my english vocabulary also fled from my brain.....took refuge in other safe, sunny place, I thought...hehehe....! That's the reason for my so long inactivity.

Am I finally coming ashore? Maybe, but this is November, the time when every preparation to celebrate Christmas must be started. And I do love Christmas season. Furthermore, there wouldn't be any other person than myself who could lift me up to the sunny, warm place. And the newest James Bond movie helped a lot....hahaha... Finally, a good, full action movie come around again!!!

Special Edition - Hari Sumpah Pemuda

Special for today, I'm using Bahasa Indonesia to honor the event on October 28, 1928 where a group of young Indonesian nationalist [by then, it was still called Dutch-East Indies] declared three ideals, one motherland, one nation, and one language. The declaration is famously called The Youth Pledge.

Sebenarnya, ada banyak materi dan pemikiran tumpang-tindih dalam kepala saat teringat hari ini ada Hari Sumpah Pemuda. Semuanya berawal dari harapan dan kebanggaan akan bangsa ini yang hancur lebur sejak lebih dari 10 tahun lalu, dan belum juga terbangun kembali.

Waktu berusaha mengeluarkan ide tersebut menjadi kalimat yang enak, mendadak mata tertuju pada salah satu isi milis sebelah. Ndilalah [eh, bahasa apaan, tuh? hehehe....] rada-rada mirip lah dengan maksud hati, dan disampaikan dengan lucu pula....

Thanks to Cak Susanto (Smada87, Ars-its A22)

28 Oktober

Kami Putra dan Putri Indonesia bersumpah :

1928 Kami berbangsa satu, Bangsa Indonesia
2008 Kadang-kadang kami masih tawuran antar : pelajar, mahasiswa, anggota masyarakat, penonton/suporter bola dan/atau Anggota dewan terhormat di Gedung yang terhormat, Kami jual anak Gadis, Istri dalam jeratan traficking, tetapi kami hanya sebagian kecil, wakil dari 220 juta bangsa Indonesia.

1928 Kami berbahasa satu, Bahasa Indonesia
2008 Adakalanya kami sering dan bangga menggunakan bahasa asing, bahasa proke'm dalam kehidupan pergaulan kami, agar kami beda yang lain tidak ngerti dan bukan kelompok kami, tetapi kami hanya sebagian kecil, wakil dari 220 juta bangsa Indonesia.

1928 Kami bertanah air satu, Tanah Air Indonesia
2008 Tanah, Hutan, Laut dan Udara mu, kami eksploitasi untuk kelompok kami dan bangsa asing yang memperkaya kami, tetapi kami hanya sebagian kecil, wakil dari 220 juta bangsa Indonesia.

1928 Kalian Pengkhianaaat. ....
2008 Kalian juga waktu itu wakil, hanya sebagian kecil dari Young Selabbes; Young Java; Young Borneo; Young ...... hanya ngaku-ngaku. Kakek dan Orang tua kami tidak ikut sumpah itu kan???

Salam dari Kami
Tetap semangat Indonesia!

Huahahahaha....eh, tapi miris juga loh!

Sekali lagi...thanks to Cak Susanto [wajib hukumnya, loh, menyampaikan sumber tulisan! Daripada disomasi orang....hehehe...!]

What to do when you're bored

There was this poll on a religious website :

What do you do when you bored
a. Surf the net
b. Watch the movie/TV
c. Read
d. Sit outside
e. Bored? Doesn't apply to me
f. I'm too busy most of the time

As a rule, I chose the option a, because that's really what I would do when I was bored. The options b-d are something I prefer to do whenever I have spare time and energy.

The trouble is when I am really, really bored...or the actual expression is bored to death....then, what would I do? These days I have been so bored, till I lost my appetite to do anything, even for chatting and blogging.

Me announcing to the world : "I'm going to take a quite long leave starting on December 24, say for 3 months!"
My boss :"What??? I couldn't give you that! What would the other workers say if I give you permission??"
Me to myself :"Are you out your mind? How would you live your life for those three months?"
Myself :"Surely God would help me if I ask Him to. He says so Himself!"
God :"Don't drag Me into your problem! I have enough headache tackling these mounted requests for the upcoming Christmas!"
Me to myself :"Okay, enough daydreaming! Back to the work! [sigh! #@#%^&%#@]"

Boredom and Frustation

Entering the dark time of the year,
uh, no...the darker time is more likely.
Thought the whole week of holiday I had in the beginning of this month would revive my energy and spirits.
Wrong!!
The moment I stepped in my office at the first day after holiday, I felt as though I never had any holiday at all.
And this super heat of weather we're having here doesn't help my already low morale.

I am bored...
longing to break free.
I am frustated...
there is no jumping stone.

Should I just jump in those dark water under?

After all these time

September 9....
catching me unaware

September 9, 2004
still the greatest moment,
still the sweetest memory

Years has gone by,
always wondering what had gone wrong,
wishing time would go back

But live must go on,
so, once again good bye,
hope everything would be as we want it to be...
in the end

Said Something, God?

I just barely finished writing my previous material, when a good friend greeted me on messenger. She wanted to know what I wrote about, so I told her...hmmm, maybe a little more complete than the written thing, since she also knew the story behind it.

At the same time, I also opened my mailbox and read the messages there. And there was this special message that so fit in my frantic situation....

Here is your single's love horoscope for Thursday, September 4:

Today you may be tempted to look at issues deeply, but be sure to keep everything in proper perspective. An earth-shatter event for you, may mean nothing to someone else. Don't exaggerate your own problems to gain sympathy with others.

Finished reading it, there came my friend's reply through my messenger. She tried to calm me down by saying that maybe it wouldn't come out as bad as it looked. Somehow, I knew that that would be her reply, right after read those words above. Although I surely didn't want to gain her sympathy, but yes, I realized at the time that maybe I was just panic over no reason at all.

I am still a little panic whenever I think about that certain problem. But I do try to calm down and just wait and see. Maybe when the time is really here, I won't think anything anymore but just jump and swim across. Better think and finish my workload right now...hahaha...before there would be no time at all in my hand.

Is this Your way to answer me, God?

Quo vadis?

I am running out of time.....
the distance and space I used to stall my time has shortened.

I knew that sooner or later I would have to face and deal with it,
but deep down in my heart hoping that there would be another, better option to be chosen over,
another way that more make sense for my ideas and dreams.

I am running out of time.....
and God, You certainly don't help me with Your silence this time!
You had given me a quick exit many times before,
when the choices were in my favour,
but now....
I don't like the present option, You know that!
and You just keep silent....

I am running out of time.....
I just hope that everything would not as bad as I fear,
that all of these would be only in my silly imagination

I am running out of time....

Egos and Insecurities

Here is your single's love horoscope for Wednesday, September 3:
Your ego keeps getting in the way of a close connection with someone new.
It's hard to let go of insecurities when someone new is teasing you. Learning to
laugh at yourself is a sexy trait to master.

I have this strange relationship with a new acquaintance from tagged.com. To be honest, I don't quite like his attitude in building relationship, and I don't like his emotional reaction more whenever I refused to give him some personal information. So, I deleted him from my contact list, although I never erased his id from my memory and always answer his greetings.

Insecurity? I guess so. It always becomes the highest wall, the biggest burden for me in making progress of a relationship, making it real from chatting and emails into f2f. There are so much what-ifs going around in my mind. I guess I am just afraid getting hurt and couldn't heal myself. The trouble is....whenever I finally am ready to step forward, the man has already fled with so many reasons, from gone with wind till caught in as lier, cheater, or even spammer. Ah, well....so, it means my insecure instinct was right, right? hahaha...there you go....my big ego! hahaha....

The Different Way to Celebrate My Birthday

I was entering this year saddled with pain in my heart, dissapointment, not to mention a big debt in my bank account spent for a big holiday (it's quite fun, actually, the holiday! Enough to forget any pain for a moment. Mark my word...for a moment, not forever!) I had hoped that 2008 would be a bright year for me, a moment I've been waiting for so long. But at the New Year Eve party that I have ever attended for the first time in my life, I was just thankful to be able living another year and only prepared to try and live the year one day after another.

As the time goes by, I found that this year was not as dark as I was afraid of. Here and there I have seen a glimmering light. It is only small, but enough to tempt me step forward and try to reach it. Whenever it fade out before I even held it in my hand, there would be another light up close by. And I was walking forward, sometimes even didn't notice that the time went by another week and another month, especially in all of the busy affairs in preparing the wedding party for my brother on the end of July.

On March I noticed that right on my birthday, our church would be on duty to organize the Mass and 7th Novena in honour of Mother Mary at Poh Sarang - Kediri

A coincident? Maybe, but it is a very good one, in my opinion. The time was perfect, since the whole triffling matters due to my brother's wedding party would had been out of the way at that time. And I did need this to pray and ask for God's generousity to let me see a way, His way. So, I went and told Mom about my intention, and she consented at once, since she never visit the place before.

I didn't plan anything after that, just wait and see, because many times before, I made a religious plan and there had always been something on the way that made it fall through. For the time being I just concentrated in preparing the wedding of the year (according to our friends and family...hahaha....!)

At last the time came. Mom, my nephew and I joined our church group departed to Poh Sarang in 15 buses and many more followed with their own transports. According to the Pastor, there were more than 5000 persons joined in the Mass that day. They came from many cities, even there were some tourists from Japan apparently.

The funny thing...or you maybe say ironically.....every special intentions that have made me want to go and pray there had fled from my mind. After I was home again and recounted the journey, I realised that it had been gone since the day before departing. At Poh Sarang, I become a guide for Mom, directed her where to register any personal intention or special prayer in the Mass. Mom dedicated her prayer that day as a thankfullness for the smoothly wedding party of my brother and for my birthday. I, in the other hand, had forgotten my own intention to seek out and bring white roses for Mother Mary. All I did was making sure my nephew comfortable during this quite long and maybe boring journey.

Did I get any answer from God for all my restlessness and confusion? I don't think so. I asked God to this once only give me a direct birthday gift, a wish-come-true for once. But I don't see it at all. In the other hand, I felt a calm, peaceful state in facing a particular present matter. I still couldn't see any way-out from the delicate matter very close to my heart just as I wish it to end. But as it had been happened to me over and over again in the past, He would always send my guarding angel protecting me. Maybe it's true after all, that what I want all this time isn't what God plans, no matter how much I desire it. At the present, my prayer is for God to make it easier for me and people I love to finally come to terms with His plan, no matter how shocking it is.

Lesson from Harry Potter Adventures

Reading the whole series of Harry Potter Adventures, I wonder whether anyone noticed that :

1. Professor Trelawney's casual warning for Lavender Brown in their first meeting (Book 3) to watch out red-haired men proved right in the Book 6. At her sixth year, Lavender fall in love with Ronald Weasley who had very red hair and a close friend of Harry Potter. It was a brief affair, ended up in disaster with Ron finally acknowledged his real feeling toward Hermione and left Lavender broken-hearted.


2. Death Eaters who are so proud of their pure-blooded family and dismissed non-magician people and mud-blooded (magician who was born in fully non-magician family) actually worshipped and led by a half-blooded person. Lord Voldemort's mother was a pure-blooded witch, descendant of Salazar Slytherin, one of the famous wizards. But his father was non-magician. (Anyone could see the similarity with the history of Adolf Hitler and NAZI?)

Good Will and Honesty

Here is your single's love horoscope for Thursday, July 3:
Your honest desire to maintain good will among your friends is commendable,
but you can't force all them all to get along, all the time. Some people don't
mesh well and never will, and that's okay.

Another coincidence? Or is it God's whisper to soothe my agitated mind in coming to term that once again I lost a should-be-beautiful friendship to greed and deceit. Anyway, it had made me smile when read it this morning. I agreed, I couldn't force others to have a same idea like the utopian thinking of mine in offering friendship and dealing with this world. Life will always go on and I should continue to walk, never stop hoping that maybe next time I would meet another idealist, better person.

My First Award

Special thanks and very warm hugs to one of my old friends, Mbak Fida, who had just given me a SPECIAL FRIEND AWARD a few days ago. It's my first award since I started this blog, and I really, really appreciate it.....I guess I'm human after all...hehehe....craving for compliments and sweet words.

Her name is Fida, actually. The word "MBAK" in front of it is an honorary expression commonly used by Indonesian-Javanese to call an elder woman. She was my ex-colleague years ago, before she moved out to another company and finally was captured by an american citizen (hahaha...sorry, Mbak....fall in love, dehhhhhhhh!), got married and resided in USA.

She has this fabulous blog, full with beautiful stories called http://www.fidaabbott.blogspot.com/. The beautiful artistic lay-out design of her blog inspired me to keep learn and build my own blog (uh....sometimes I just grabbed her application for my own use.....hehehe....sorry again, Mbak!). She always encourage me to keep on writing and blogging. So, thanks again, Mbak! It's a great treasure to have you as my good friend!

Scammers VS Friendship

Over than a week ago, I chatted with an old friend about my latest new net-pals. Laughingly, I told her how one of them so eagerly offered to buy me a new latest computer set and send me money just so we could chat anytime and see each other through web cam. I also told her what a coincidence that the other two had to go the Africa to do their business. In fact, I had been wondering for so long whether it's really that easy for any of US Citizens (yep...those three net-pals claimed themselves as US citizens) to get a work contract abroad, especially in this case Africa, when they only own a small company. I said to my friend that maybe I should get those two together, so they could be friends there in Africa....hahaha....and maybe they could compare notes about me...hahaha....

Several days later I read about a Woman Gets Two Years for Aiding Nigerian Internet Check Scam and I wondered whether because of this I haven't been seen any of those net-pals of mine online. In fact, a day earlier when my old friend asked about them, jokingly I told her that I think they lost in Africa...hehehe....

So, it seems once again I lost another would-be-friends. But, in the other hand I sincerely hope that my bad thinking about them would be proved wrong just this once, that they aren't scammers, that they're really genuine in craving a genuine and beautiful friendship, free from any desires in getting advantage from other people. Huh, unlikely, I think! Hahaha....

What are Your Four

I just got this in my mailbox from my friend......

Yup, answer with 4 people/things for each question below, and send it to your mailing list. We can all learn a lot from each other doing this kind of thing.

1. Four family members: Mom, Dad, Sister and Brother
2. Four places that I go to over and over: My office (sigh!), church, Alfa, Plaza Tunjungan
3. Four people who e-mail me (regularly): people??? now, it would be very difficult.....let's see..... Novi, Fida, Alex, Dian
4. Four of my favorite places to eat: Home (mom's cooking!), Dundee Fried Chicken, Mie Pangsit Jembatan Merah, Tahu Campur Ngesong
5. Four places I would rather be right now: Home, my bedroom, in the arms of my lover (hehehe!), or at Plaza Surabaya will be enough for now (hehehe....i would be there this afternoon no thank's to this heat!)
6. Four people I think will respond: Erna, Yoan, Ririn, Dian..........hehehe....I haven't got too much blogger friends...they're my pen-friends!
7. Four TV shows I watch over and over: Nanny 911, Avatar the Legend of Aang, Naruto, Tom & Jerry ..........yikes! I've watched too much cartoon!!!!

Okay, here is what you are supposed to do...and please don't spoil the fun... Copy/paste this into a new email document, and delete my answers. Fill in your own, and tag your friends. Have some fun.
So.....now I tag you, Mbak Fida and Ririn to take the next turn!

Horoscope and Me

Started by this article, I am opening a new posting labeled HOROSCOPE & ME.

I'm always interested in what my zodiac says about my day, either it's based on western rules or chinese one. I do believe that the movement of planets and stars more or less influences human character. Not a main factor, mind! But, I've seen many proofs that people who born under a same zodiac have a similarity in nature.

Combined with present position of the stars and planets, an astrologer could tell people things that will happen to them today or this week or month, even for the entire year. I don't believe the prediction too much. I only read it fleetingly. Mostly, I have forgotten what it was said the moment I turn the page. But sometimes it would draw my attention, because of the closeness to my present situation or thinking.

Under this label posting, I'd share what my thoughts when I stumble on the particular horoscope. Sometimes I guarantee it would be hillarious, just as the way I'd prefer to deliver a story. But at other time, one would think my story as ironical, cynical, maybe even sad. But, hey, c'est la vie!

Tag from a friend

This morning, only a couple of days after I informed my blog to a dear friend now live abroad, I found this list of questionnaires in my email box. After spending some time trying to figure out how to copy and paste her tag (hey....I am a newcomer in blogging! sort of.....hehehe!) into my new post, finally I succeeded. Sorry, Mbak Fida, if you'd think that I make a jest in answering some questions, but maybe it's too close to my comfort...hehehe.... Anyway, here it is:

1. At what age do you wish to marry? Next year....if [one of] the ma[e]n in question is really and truly what he says he is...............hehehe, otherwise, I'm content to try hard to become a millioner before reaching my pension age.


2. If you can turn into anything, what do you wish you can turn into? I don't want to turn into anything, not because I love my present-self, but because I agree with relativity theory. Maybe there's something I am hard to accept in this condition, but there's no guarantee that I would be happier in another form.


3. If you were stranded on an desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you? Why? Anyone who : a) could make a delicious food out of nothing, b) never run out of conversation materials, c) have a good sense of humour, d) an optimist, e) bring a satellite telephone with full battery and some back up, so we could contact someone and get a help and out of there as soon as possible before I lost too many series of Naruto....hehehe...


4. Where is the place that you want to go most? Europe, the classical places. I'd like to visit the old churches with all of their beautiful, artistic decorations.


5. If you have one dream to come true, what would it be? Only one??? I have to choose between love and money?? Not fair!!!


6. Who is in your mind right now? A certain someone whom I want very much to be able sure of his integrity and motives, before it's too late to back out. Any idea how is the best way to accomplish it?


7. What are you afraid to lose the most right now? My highly logical, calm and cool mind. These last years I've felt more and more trapped in one long darkness way. There's no other way than just continue on walking, hoping that tomorrow maybe is the day when I'll reach the end of this long, tiring road, hoping that any minute now God will be generous towards me and light up my way so I could see.
   
8. Do you want your first born child to be a girl or boy? Why? A boy, I think. I was raised in a family dominated by females, I am the second child and daughter. I just want to see any girl born in my own family have an older brother to protect and guard her.


9. If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her? NO WAY!! Not until I'm sure about my position in his heart, and certainly until I'm sure about my own feeling. LOVE is such a big, serious word to me.


10. List out three good things of the person who tagged you! Mbak Fida is such an artistic person, a very organized person in works, and a very positive person. She could do anything and make a success out of it! Wait, did that make it three or four things?


11. What colour do you like? Why? I like most of basic colors, especially blue and green. Those colours is such cool and calm. But not white....it's a childish colour for me, due to the universal school uniform. Hmmm...make it difficult for the traditional white wedding gown, isn't it? hehehehe.....


12. What type of person do you hate the most? Someone who using nice, sweet words to take advantages from me.


13. What would you do if you won a million dollars? Starting business in building and renting economical apartments and restoration of old antique houses.


14. What is your ambition? I haven't any ambition right now, just try and keep myself float and follow where water flows.
    
15. What would you wanna be after you're dead? Haven't thinking that far, still trying to fulfill my life.
    
16. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change? My hesitant to leap at the first good chance offered to me, but then the person wouldn't be me at all....hehehe....it become somebody else.
    
17. What would you most want to achieve right now? Ability to upgrade my ancient laptop to a newer system so I could get benefit from those new high-techs advertised recently.
    
18. What do you think is the most important thing in your life? My beloved ones, family and friends around me.


19. If there’s one thing in your life you want to do but yet unable to, what would it be? Taking higher degree in education abroad.


20. Among all the questions asked, which one do u like most? Why? None, these all force me to think hard and make me more tired.....hehehe...but it's good for my soul, anyway!

So, could anyone who read those of my answers above see the truly me more deeply? Hehehe.....

Happy 715th Anniversary, Surabaya!

May 31 this year, Surabaya celebrated its 715th anniversary. This city is my hometown, the place where I was born, spent most of the time growing up and be educated, and now live and work. It's one of metropolitan cities in Indonesia. The city that I believed was built as a trade center, a port city back in the old history before this nation was born.

Maybe because of its background as a trade center make Surabaya only have very little caracteristic of its own culture. Even I, who has spent most of my life live here, am difficult to name what its specialty food is. Every traditional food here is originally from other places around Surabaya. But the trade center caracteristic makes Surabaya rich of any kind gourmet. One could find anything from eastern food till western food, from fine gourmet till fast food, from restaurants till simple food stalls.

The else thing Surabaya is rich of is malls or shopping centers. There are many malls here with different concepts to spoil shoppers. Well, it's not unusual for a metropolis to have many malls. But differs from Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia, one doesn't need much time to go to a particular mall, 45 minutes is the longest. At Jakarta, you need at least an hour to go to any places closest from you, that's not included the time you need to break through any traffic jam and the stress you've to endure as its result. Many times visiting Jakarta, I never could go and visit half of the places I want to. Only one place for a day! Here, in a mad time I went to three different malls with quite distance between them only in a day, say from 10am till 7pm. Mad, huh?

Maybe I am not too familiar with this city after all, that I always have no idea where I would take my guest to spend the visiting time at Surabaya. One thing I could think of is spending a day at shopping mall, or go to Ciputra Waterpark (oh, no....make it two things!) But, hey, it's not a bad idea to spend a day at a mall here! Like Plaza Tunjungan, my favourite place to hang out. One could browsing many kind of shops there, from clothes till books, till you drop. Hungry and tired? There's three food courts and many others eating places, that one could fill his stomach and rest his feet. And to close the day, there's a cinema where one could watch the newest movie. Good, eh? And need money, too....hehehe...! Oh, well, the consumerism culture!

Let's give awards for......

On this Kartini's Day, let's give awards for these special people :

1. Women who could combine her career with her passion in managing the household perfectly in harmony without complaining whatsoever.
2. Parents who always encouraged their daughter(s) to reach the star of their dreams, but would never disappointed if in the end she would prefer to follow her sweetheart to the end of the world.
3. Husbands who always support their wife in exploring her talenta and willingly take over the household management in doing so.

Relationship Status: Complicated

During several years of hanging around in cyberworld, I always wondered why there was an option of complicated in stating one's relationship status. What would one actually want to say with stating he/she is in a complicated relationship?

Does that mean you have a spouse but not live together anymore? Nope, it's called separated.
Or you want to say that you have someone special but still not married? Nope, it would be more appropriate to be called committed.

I am always suspicious towards people with complicated relationship. The word "complicated" make me think that he/she is hiding something, from new acquaintances and from family/old friends. That he/she tries to cheat his/her spouse/beloved and prepare to have fun with other woman/man.

I know that I am very prejudiced....judging others badly. I always try to see the other way, stop myself in making negative judgement. Sadly, recently I found that my suspicious above hit a stone. Oh, how sick is the world! And this person dared to call me a prude!

A prude (Old French prude)[1] is a person who is described as being overly concerned with decorum or propriety. They may be perceived as being uncomfortable with sexuality, nudity, alcohol, drug use or mischief.
The name is generally considered to mean excessive modesty, and hence unflattering, and is often used as an insult. A person who is considered a prude may have reservations about nudity, participating in romantic or sexual activity, drinking alcohol or consuming other drugs, or participating in mischief. These reservations may stem from shyness or strict moral beliefs. Actions or beliefs that may cause someone to be labeled a prude include advocating or practising abstinence, advocating prohibition, advocating censorship of sexuality or nudity in media, disapproval of being topless in public, avoiding or condemning public display of affection, or exhibiting unusual levels of discomfort with sexuality, alcohol, drugs, or mischief.

Stations of Cross

There is always an advice from my church at this time of year, to attend at least once The Stations of Cross in preparing oneself to enter the Easter Celebration. And each year it has become a tough battle for me to follow the good advice.

I could come up with many kind of reasons that prevents me to attend The Stations of Cross. The usual and prime reason is tiredness. This event is always held on Friday-evenings since Ash Wednesday till Palm Sunday. And since it's also the last working day in each week, I always feel drained of energy and reluctant to go out again.

Today is Friday, and it's a holiday. One should assume that there's no reason at all for me not to attend it. Believe me, so I thought! A week ago I saw this holiday and thought...hey, I could go to The Stations of Cross next Friday! Then, several friends from the youth church choir concocted an attentive plan to go and visit our ex-vocal-couch. Eventually the plan fell through because of a transportation difficulty. So, I spent the day shopping and rest well, getting ready to go to the church.

An hour and half before the designated time, I went out from bathroom to find a very dark sky and a moment later it rained heavily. Then, I found out that Mom would go to a prayer meeting. There! Suddenly I found two big reasons enough to dampen down my enthusiasm. Furthermore, I couldn't ask a lift from my brother, because he had to go to his band practice for their performance this Sunday.

Oh well....there it is.....I wish God will still be willing to give me another chance to become a better person next time, again and again....! :)

The Tree of Knowledge

How dangerous the Tree of Knowledge is?

I have this little game in my PC called BounceOut or PoingPoing. The rule is simple, one has to line three or more balls with same colours to eliminate them until the number is up. The catch is the time limit. The higher your level, the higher is the number of the balls to go and it'd become more difficult to find the balls with same colours to line up. You just become more panic as the time go on until....boommm......it explodes and the game is over.

I love playing this game whenever I get bored in the office (pssssttt....don't tell my boss!!!). I could tell how high the level of my concentrating mind from how fast I find the balls to go. For a long time I'm never tempted to cheat the game, even though many times I get frustated in failing to find only three balls to go to finish a level. I found this a continuing new challenges everytime.

One day, when I almost gave up in finding the same colour balls to go, I accidentally pressed the little button named Panic in the bottom of playing field. Suddenly the balls moved and...there, the balls found themselves their companion and I could move again. A lamp lighted up inside my brain......"So, this is a little cheat to help players, and I never knew although I've seen this little button from the beginning!" Yup....I took a fruit from the tree of knowledge and ate it. And the little game was never the same again. The challenge is still there, but I know now that there is a little help waiting in the wings.

It's only a game, it would never harm other people nor any other living creature. Imagine if it happened to serious things like technology or even law.


Passage Genesis 2:17
But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and blessing and calamity you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.

Big, brave steps in starting my journey in 2008

The first big step was changing my phone number. I had kept the old one since first using a cellphone. My sister gave it along with the cellphone, because she wanted to buy a new one. I have three times changed my cellphone ever since, but never the number. Too much trouble, that's what I thought.

But in this last 3 years I had some bad, painful experiences that I just want to close the chapter and throw away all of the things that would remind me of them. Get a new number is one of them. Yes, it makes a little trouble in telling my new number to many friends I have and wish to keep contact with. But, I do hope the bravery in changing my number will inspire myself to dare anything else, out of this comforting box I have hold on for so long.

The second big step was celebrating new year eve with friends out of home. Usually, I spent the event at home, watching television which always perform good programs and films. This time I decided to join my brother and several friends from the youth church choir at an italian pizza parlour, dining, singing, having a good time together. This maybe one of our last times to get together, because there would be much changing in 2008 that would make us go to different ways. It was a big step because it has cost me much money than usual! All just for celebrating new year's eve!

The newest brave step is happened this afternoon. I bought the latest and the last book of Harry Potter series. Brave, because I bought it despite of the usual logical thinking in saving my money as much as I could. Not to mention that actually I've broken before this month even ended its first week. But, I've promised myself to get the book as a christmas present for myself, and I did hold on as long as possible, waiting till there is a discount price for the book. And the moment is now....so I bought it this afternoon and got 20% off the normal price!!