Growing Old(er????)

I'm not the person who keeps checking my age. Sometimes, I even have to count how old I am at the moment...hehehe... My family always celebrates the birthday of its member, so I should aware that I'm older each year. Strangely, I never felt that way.

Many times when I looked back to the my school days, I wondered where the difference was. I'm still wearing pants at the most. I still prefer cottons and casual clothes. And I still couldn't keep my make-up to hold on my face more than 3 hours....hahaha...

When I found a white hair on my head several years ago, I wasn't worried at all. Why? Because there's a gene from my father side that makes his children has white hairs even on our young ages....hihihi... Anyway, it becomes a good reason to color our hairs....hihihi...

What makes me realize that I'm almost 40 is my sight. This year, I found out that while wearing my minus 3 glasses, I can't read any bank forms or even newspapers. I have to put down the glasses, then I could read those minuscule sentences clearly. Yikes!!!! My eyes is growing older, faster than my way of life.....hihihi.... So, it's true that we can't beat the nature......I have to hurry my soul to catch up with my physical growth. Why??? Hey, don't you all know that my soul is still in seventeen? hahahahaha......

First of May

I knew this song for the first time when I was studying classical organ as a little girl. I liked it because it's a sweet song and easy to play, of course...hehehe....

When I started to learn English in my secondary years, I thought this song was about a beauty of Spring time. At the time, I couldn't catch the words and I didn't know where to search the lyric.

Once I knew about Google, I searched the lyric and found this below.....

When I was small and Christmas trees were tall

We used to love while others used to play

Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by

Someone else moved in from far away

Now we are tall and Christmas trees are small

And you don't ask the time of day

But you and I, our love will never die

But guess we'll cry come first of May

The apple tree that grew for you and me

I watched the apples falling one by one

And I recall the moment of them all

The day I kissed your cheek and you were gone

Now we are tall and Christmas trees are small

And you don't ask the time of day

But you and I, our love will never die

But guess we'll cry come first of May

When I was small and Christmas trees were tall

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do

Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by

Someone else moved in from far away

My first reaction???? Where was the first of May? I read again from above....oh, there it was....mentioned only twice.

Next reaction??? Confused......what was the correlation between first of May and those Christmas trees and those apple trees and a love story that ended badly......haizzzzzzz.....spring season should be about sweet things.....the story above made me feeling blue, once I knew about the lyric. And the ending, which was let floated and faded away, made it worse....

But, you know, everytime I hear the song starts, I always can feel the sweetness in it.....the romance in the air....hmmmm....oh, okay...I still love this song by BeeGees....hihihi....

....when I was small, and the Christmas trees were tall, do do do do do do.........

first of may image by zarriel on Photobucket

Thank You Lord

Dear Lord, thank You for my beloved ones. Bless them all, let my warm thoughts and cares protect them, support them in whatever they do, wherever they are....

Dear Lord, thank You for all of my friends and acquaintances, for cheering me up when I'm at the lowest and lonely, for speaking through them when I need most.....

Dear Lord, thank You for the unknown people and things you send along whenever I need an inspiration or a reminder......

Dear Lord, thank You for all of the time you granted me for having fun, even when I didn't deserved it at all.....

Dear Lord, thank You for all the time of troubles you presented to me, making me appreciate the little nice things I have in my hands.....

Dear Lord, thank You for the angel to watch over me, protecting me from a hard fall by sending those alarms into my conscience....

Dear Lord, thank You for catching me when I fall, turn on the light when I get lost, even before I ask for help....

Dear Lord, thank You for all of those nights when I could leave all of my troubles behind and dream all of the sweet things....

Dear Lord, thank You for each of the days I spend to solve most of my troubles, make me realize of my strength, make me grow wiser and wiser...

 

Thank you, Lord, for all you've done for me.......
(My personal novena, as written for my FB status before my birthday. I'm now 17 going on 39....hihihi....)

The Rage in Me

Generally, I rarely get myself into an anger state. I always try to shove away things that could make me angry, and I also try not to bother too much about what other people think or say. Why? Because I have this notion that in anger, I will end up either crying or hurting my enemy very badly.

This weekend, I was so shocked because I got into a big and long anger. The worst is, it still hasn't stopped while I'm writing this.

I started my weekend on Saturday morning quite peacefully, actually. It seemed like I hadn't had any weekend for a long time. I was expecting a wonderful weekend, spent equally between friendship, family and my own privacy time. On Saturday afternoon, I felt the first raging fire inside me.

I was driving to the church and had to pick up a friend of Mom on the way. It was a narrow street, so I turned on the turn signal and parked to the left lane as far as possible, so I didn't blocked the traffic. Then, there was this car behind me which kept blow its horn. I had moved forward a little to give more space so the car behind me could pass from the right side. Still the noisy sound hadn't stopped, while other vehicles had already passed through. Finally the car moved.....it paused beside my car while the driver yelled and swore at me. My head blew up and for the first time in my life, I swore back at him. And it didn't stop there. While the car passed through, I felt a hot air shot up inside my veins and I wished that I was a witch so I could put bad spells on him....yes, not ONE spell, but many suffering spells. I became an ugly wild monster....hehehe....

On our way to the church, I tried so hard to cool my anger. And it was so hard. Every time my mind was back to that incident, the hot air kept surging up inside me. I even asked God to help me cool down, still it had blackened all of my weekend.....well, except the time I spent with a friend at a beauty center....it was quite fun....hihihi... But, on other things, it made me easily getting upset. From trying to see through the little one's tantrums till waiting for a reply from a friend that still haven't come through. This afternoon, all of them came flooding my mind, made me so upset and ended up crying on the way home. Thank for the helmet that disguised my tears from people's eyes.....hehehe... 

There, now you all know about one ugly side of me. So, please, oh, please.....try not to provoke me deliberately, will you? I try to keep my human dignity, thank you.....hihihi.....

Enjoying My Solitude

During this month, May 2011, my schedule is mostly full, from Monday till Sunday. Each year on May, my city - Surabaya - is held a big event to celebrate its anniversary. It's called Surabaya Shopping Festival. It is a moment where we could buy things with a nice, big discount. It is also a good moment to see many promotions and exhibitions.

This year, I had a plan to use each weekend on May to shop and replenish the wardrobe of my little one. He became bigger so fast lately, that barely any of his gears fit in him. And there was also a suit of black trousers and white shirt he would need for his First Communion sacrament next month. Then, there was a wedding invitation from the brother of my good friend. And the monthly shopping, my routine 'beauty treatment'. Then, I needed to browse some softwares for my work...... For all of those plans, I only had FIVE weekends....so crowded and would be tiring so much, when I was seeing it at the beginning of May.

So, I organized every step I would had carefully to preserve my energy and health (at the time, I still had some illness leftover from the Easter week). I made a limit only visiting one place (read: mall) each times, and made sure that I still had enough time to rest every weekend.

Then, on the fourth Friday of May I had a nice surprise. My little one was scheduled to do a social activity with his Sunday School on Sunday morning till in the afternoon. Then, Mom announced that she was asked to go with the other members of our church committee for a weekend retreat. I did some calculate and found out that I would have a whole Sunday morning on my own....hmmmm....

So, there was I.... After a busy morning, preparing breakfast and washing clothes, I delivered the little one to his appointment and went back to an empty and silent home. Felt lonely? On the contrary!!! I felt soooooo relax for the first time during the month. I could feel that the time was slow down. No noise from TV or radio, which usually is turned on by Mom and the little one. I could play my online-game freely (because as a rule, I don't allow the little one play any games on computer....hehehe....). I was alone, but I didn't feel lonely.... I was just enjoying my solitude.

Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company.