Thank You Lord

Dear Lord, thank You for my beloved ones. Bless them all, let my warm thoughts and cares protect them, support them in whatever they do, wherever they are....

Dear Lord, thank You for all of my friends and acquaintances, for cheering me up when I'm at the lowest and lonely, for speaking through them when I need most.....

Dear Lord, thank You for the unknown people and things you send along whenever I need an inspiration or a reminder......

Dear Lord, thank You for all of the time you granted me for having fun, even when I didn't deserved it at all.....

Dear Lord, thank You for all the time of troubles you presented to me, making me appreciate the little nice things I have in my hands.....

Dear Lord, thank You for the angel to watch over me, protecting me from a hard fall by sending those alarms into my conscience....

Dear Lord, thank You for catching me when I fall, turn on the light when I get lost, even before I ask for help....

Dear Lord, thank You for all of those nights when I could leave all of my troubles behind and dream all of the sweet things....

Dear Lord, thank You for each of the days I spend to solve most of my troubles, make me realize of my strength, make me grow wiser and wiser...

 

Thank you, Lord, for all you've done for me.......
(My personal novena, as written for my FB status before my birthday. I'm now 17 going on 39....hihihi....)

The Rage in Me

Generally, I rarely get myself into an anger state. I always try to shove away things that could make me angry, and I also try not to bother too much about what other people think or say. Why? Because I have this notion that in anger, I will end up either crying or hurting my enemy very badly.

This weekend, I was so shocked because I got into a big and long anger. The worst is, it still hasn't stopped while I'm writing this.

I started my weekend on Saturday morning quite peacefully, actually. It seemed like I hadn't had any weekend for a long time. I was expecting a wonderful weekend, spent equally between friendship, family and my own privacy time. On Saturday afternoon, I felt the first raging fire inside me.

I was driving to the church and had to pick up a friend of Mom on the way. It was a narrow street, so I turned on the turn signal and parked to the left lane as far as possible, so I didn't blocked the traffic. Then, there was this car behind me which kept blow its horn. I had moved forward a little to give more space so the car behind me could pass from the right side. Still the noisy sound hadn't stopped, while other vehicles had already passed through. Finally the car moved.....it paused beside my car while the driver yelled and swore at me. My head blew up and for the first time in my life, I swore back at him. And it didn't stop there. While the car passed through, I felt a hot air shot up inside my veins and I wished that I was a witch so I could put bad spells on him....yes, not ONE spell, but many suffering spells. I became an ugly wild monster....hehehe....

On our way to the church, I tried so hard to cool my anger. And it was so hard. Every time my mind was back to that incident, the hot air kept surging up inside me. I even asked God to help me cool down, still it had blackened all of my weekend.....well, except the time I spent with a friend at a beauty center....it was quite fun....hihihi... But, on other things, it made me easily getting upset. From trying to see through the little one's tantrums till waiting for a reply from a friend that still haven't come through. This afternoon, all of them came flooding my mind, made me so upset and ended up crying on the way home. Thank for the helmet that disguised my tears from people's eyes.....hehehe... 

There, now you all know about one ugly side of me. So, please, oh, please.....try not to provoke me deliberately, will you? I try to keep my human dignity, thank you.....hihihi.....

Enjoying My Solitude

During this month, May 2011, my schedule is mostly full, from Monday till Sunday. Each year on May, my city - Surabaya - is held a big event to celebrate its anniversary. It's called Surabaya Shopping Festival. It is a moment where we could buy things with a nice, big discount. It is also a good moment to see many promotions and exhibitions.

This year, I had a plan to use each weekend on May to shop and replenish the wardrobe of my little one. He became bigger so fast lately, that barely any of his gears fit in him. And there was also a suit of black trousers and white shirt he would need for his First Communion sacrament next month. Then, there was a wedding invitation from the brother of my good friend. And the monthly shopping, my routine 'beauty treatment'. Then, I needed to browse some softwares for my work...... For all of those plans, I only had FIVE weekends....so crowded and would be tiring so much, when I was seeing it at the beginning of May.

So, I organized every step I would had carefully to preserve my energy and health (at the time, I still had some illness leftover from the Easter week). I made a limit only visiting one place (read: mall) each times, and made sure that I still had enough time to rest every weekend.

Then, on the fourth Friday of May I had a nice surprise. My little one was scheduled to do a social activity with his Sunday School on Sunday morning till in the afternoon. Then, Mom announced that she was asked to go with the other members of our church committee for a weekend retreat. I did some calculate and found out that I would have a whole Sunday morning on my own....hmmmm....

So, there was I.... After a busy morning, preparing breakfast and washing clothes, I delivered the little one to his appointment and went back to an empty and silent home. Felt lonely? On the contrary!!! I felt soooooo relax for the first time during the month. I could feel that the time was slow down. No noise from TV or radio, which usually is turned on by Mom and the little one. I could play my online-game freely (because as a rule, I don't allow the little one play any games on computer....hehehe....). I was alone, but I didn't feel lonely.... I was just enjoying my solitude.

Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company.

 

Full Moon

I always imagine a night under a full moon as a romantic moment. There would I be, sitting beside my loved one at the porch....the darkness of night surrounds us, only the bright yellow of the moon light on the landscape ahead....while we would be talking quietly, peacefully and enjoying the moment as though we're the only one who're still up at that night.

But the reality is a far different story. Mostly, I feel so blue and sad during the full moon period. Either it's because I would be just home tiredly from a tough choir practice, or because I would just recover from an illness. Strange, isn't it? hehehe... Or maybe I only realize that it's full moon when I'm alone....hahaha...

Hmmmm.....I think I have to concentrate to look for that loved one first...hahaha... Someone who's willing to sit and talk under a full moon without change into a werewolf or a vampire....hahahaha.. Oh, right, unless it's Edward Cullens...it will be okay then...hahahaha... 

Shopping Spree (3): A Great Regret

This is the hardest thing for me to write about. I still feel the remorse. This is the rare moment when I wish that I could turn back the time and change my option......

For several years, I had spent my money to be able to buy a newest laptop with a big specification fit for design purposes. Of course, I also waited for the decreasing of laptop's price, which did happen each year....hehehe... I did have a laptop in my hands, the early generation of M-Pentium of Compaq Presario that needed a memory upgrading for design purposes, but was still very okay to office works and chatting. And this is the source of my deep regret for this last and biggest shopping spree.

Last year, I found out that I had saved enough money to make my dreams come true.....yes, dreams....not just one.... And so I went and bought some new wardrobe (no, I didn't and won't write about this...hihihi...), a new printer, a new cellphone.....and..... 

One day at the end of February, I went to a hightech mall to visit a computer expo there. I didn't have any purposes but just browsed. Then, my eyes and interests was caught on a Lenovo product. The price is quite nice with a quite high specification, higher than average. But still, its memory wasn't as high as I wanted. Realized what I looked for, the sales person offered me an alternative. The harddisk capacity was lower, but its memory was four times higher than the Lenovo.....and the price was lower.... Whaaammm....I had the money, I saw my dream in front of me.....and I became blinded.....

Back at home, after some hours later, I kind of woke up from a dream and started to re-trace my step. I realized that my need of a new laptop wasn't that urgent. That I preferred to have ready fund in my bank, rather than good and shiny things in my hands. That buying this laptop made me had to re-consider my other plans, such as family vacations.

But what is done had done. Now, I have a new laptop......at least, I had a dream come true....hehehe.... I have to use this laptop as I planned to....install some designing software and get started......first, a plan for my own house make-over. And I've been also re-starting saving hard....to fulfill my other dreams.... Hopefully, I will be able to achieve that in the next two years.......